Forgiveness
by foreverinlove17
Summary: 25 Years after Bella pushes Edward away. They meet again but what if there was someone else involed. How will Edward take to this new guy?
1. Chapter 1: The Memory

**Author's Note: This is my first ever Fan Fic so please don't be that harsh if you review. I am sorry if spelling and grammer are not up to par sometimes. Please enjoy and I would love some feed back because I have to ideas on which way I want to make the story go, but I can't decide on one. **

**Disclaimer: I unforunately did not think enough to come up with the lovely characters of Twilight these all belong to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer. **

**Untitled **

**Chapter 1: The Memory**

"Why Edward? Is this what you want, some person who you will be able to touch without breaking, a person with grace who does not fall every two seconds. Someone who you can actually spend the rest of your life with? He flinched at my last sentence. Huh is this what you want Edward Anthony Mason Cullen; because for once in my life, in this relationship I can say I don't care if that is what you want. I am what I am; I cannot be anymore because you won't let me. My words were dripped with venom and rage. Edward no matter how many times I will say I want it or I want you forever, you wont believe me so tell me is the point."

"Bella Please," He stood there, pain and anguish in his eyes.

"No Edward, I am done with waiting, I am done with us." As I spat out the last words I felt a rage in me that I have never felt before.

"You cannot really mean this Bella. You will see that I am right, in the end no matter how mad you are right now, you will see Isabella Swan that you don't want this damned life that you plead for. I do not want to loose you Bella, and I will love you forever, but if this isn't what you want anymore I will eave." He stood there his honey golden eyes studying me, waiting for my next move. Silence echoed through out the room. I looked into his eyes and saw the sadness and the battle that raged behind them, he realized that I was not going to object to him leaving, and what that he turned and jumped out the window.

I wondered to myself what have I done? What stupid thing have you done now Isabella Swan; you have just ran away the best thing that has ever happened to you. As my thoughts finally caught up to my actions all I could do was fall to the ground and cry. Well are you happy? I asked myself. This is what you wanted right, to push him way, to not be with him because you were not good enough. Well you have it now congratulations, and with that the darkness grew larger and engulfed me and consciousness as I knew it was gone.


	2. Chapter 2: First Day of School

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long. I have to write and edit and rewrite until I get it the way I want it. Unfortunately no one has left me any reviews (crying lol) please, please people leave reviews even if you hate the story it helps me to know what I am doing right and wrong. Also just want to apologize for my grammer and spelling, I am a one woman operation so they might not be that great all the time. Enjoy Reading.**

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do now own Twilight; unlike Ms. Stephenie Meyer my brain doesn't work fast enough to write a book. **

Great another day of school, I was finally beginning to understand what they meant when they said school was boring and monotonous. Ha they I silently laughed to myself. I still couldn't say their names, I have tried many a times but when ever I do I can barely whisper it is like something is forcibly keeping me from it. _Why did I let him go_, _oh no, Come on Bella you really have to stay away from thoughts like that they aren't helping your situation any. _I was about to completely immerse myself in memories when I heard Gabriella, or Gabby as I call her, "Isabelle are you coming?" Every since the day he left I reassumed my full name everything someone would say Bella too many memories would flood me.

"Sure," I mumbled knowing she could hear me.

"Hurry up we don't have all day," Her was voice dripping with impatience. A small laugh escaped my lips; it was funny to see someone, especially a vampire so eager for school. I quickly threw on my black turtleneck that seemed to fit my curves very nicely, and my favorite pair of white pants, and to top it all off I slipped on my knee high black stilettos boots.

"Bella come on," Gabby whined.

I left my long flowing chocolate locks down and put on my silver watch and matching necklace and earrings. With one last look in the mirror I was off to the bottom of the stairs. Not a lot changed since I became a vampire my eyes shifted colors to reflect my mood, but were usually a light brown due to my diet. My hair was a lot more manageable and stopped mid way down my back. My lips were cherry colored making it look like I have a constant layer of lipstick on. My body had changed into an hour glass figure; clothes just seemed to fit me better. Of course the usual things happened, my vision, hearing, smell, and speed heighten and to my delight I was very graceful. Since my change I felt beautiful, confident I just chose not to let anyone else know this. As I reached the bottom of the stairs I could see Gabby holding her hands on her waist. Her electric blue eyes were scrutinizing my every move. I shot her I am sorry look and a smiled crept across her face. She was wearing her favorite outfit, a white thermal tee under a blue vest from Abercrombie and Fitch, with a short jean skirt, leggings, and white stilettos that matched perfectly. Her platinum blonde hair was pulled in a ponytail at the nape of her neck; she wore chandler earrings but no makeup. She was very simple, this is one of the reason's we got along so well.

"You took forever yah know,"

"I know, I just wanted to look nice for the first day," sarcasm in my voice.

"Yah right, like a human could ever catch your attention," Her comment made me think of him. "I am sorry Bella, I didn't mean to."

"It is alright, lets just forget about it. Come on we are going to be late." I attempted to put on my most pleasant sounding voice. We both knew that it was a charade unfortunately for me I was never going to forget. "Gabby, do you mind if I drive?"

"No go ahead Isabella; we both know driving isn't my strong suit." With that a let out a slight roll of laughter, she was right she was a horrible driver as a human, and it seemed to transfer over when she was a vampire. We walked out to the garage and slid into my charcoal black Audi Q7 and quickly sped out of the driveway. The drive to the school was silent and took all of about four minutes. One thing is for sure, since I became a vampire I couldn't help but drive fast, I loved anything that would put me in danger. It was like I almost had to rebel against _him_Anger was rising in me now. I took a deep and necessary breath to calm myself. I pulled into a parking space away from the rest of the student body. I could already hear them gasping at Gabby and mine's looks and car. The girls were already talking about how ugly our outfits are and the guys were talking about who could get our numbers.

"You ready?" I asked Gabby.

"As ready as I can be," Gabby replied. With that we walked into the main office of Knappa High School.

"Hi my name is Isabella Swan and this is my sister Gabriella Swan, we are new here and need our schedules." I said to the woman behind the counter. She looked like she had painted her face with the blush instead of applying it.

"Oh yes, we have been expecting you two. Now you guys have most of the same classes, it is what you parents requested. _Parents I laughed silently to myself. That was all my doing I enrolled Gabby and I as juniors so that we could stay for at least two years, and she could really get a grip on the whole school thing.**"**_

"Yah they really don't want us separated it helps when you are adoptive and moving to a new place to have someone there for support." I said smiling at her. I could feel her getting dazzled as the smell of my breath reached her face.

"Of course, well here you go." She handed me two schedules.

"Thanks very much ma'am." As we walked out the door I looked at Gabby and began to read out schedules. "Looks like we have English first," I could see the smile already fading off her face.

"English, what a horrible subject when I have read just about every book you can think of."

"Well someone wanted to come to school." I said smiling at how she already was tired of school. That was Gabby for you though, she got bored really fast and unfortunately for the guys it seemed to happen a lot. The day seemed to pass rather fast. I was dreading lunch knowing that it would be filled with gasps and stares. After four hour, Gabby and I split for once class. She insisted that she be by herself for at least one. Me not filling like arguing agreed. As she sprinted off the down the hall for drawing, I left for my free block, I decided I would just go sit out in my car and listen to music. As I sat in the car I drifted off in to my sleep like trance. Sometimes I just like the silence around me, it helped me sort out my thoughts, and think clearly. My cell phone alarm went off signaling me to go back inside. I jogged in not wanting to get hit by the rain. I walked over to Gabby's locker and waited for her to show up. Before I knew it the hallway was empty. _Where is she? She should have been here by now. _Thoughts were racing through my mind. _No, had she not been strong enough yet, I knew it was too soon. I started to think of an escape plan. How long would it take me to pack the house? Where would we go now? _I decided to go and finish out the rest of the school, and as soon as I got home I would find her and get things in order for our departure. I was kind of sad, even if I didn't like school, I really did like the house we had purchased it reminded me of the one I lived in with Charlie but with just one more floor. As I entered the lunchroom I received all the expecting glares, gasps, awes I expected. As I started searching the lunch room I saw her, she was sitting over at a table waving her arms and calling my name.

"Isabella, Isabella over here." I turned and started walking towards the table. "Come on now, gosh your so slow." I sent her a warning glare, knowing that my abilities were something we didn't bring up. "Well anyways I wanted you to meet someone." _Who could I possibly be meeting here, that would matter anyways. _As I got closer to the table for the first time since I met him, it became harder to breath. Like I needed to breathe anyways.

**A/N: Well there is chapter two. For those who wanted to know Gabriella's power is illusion, hint her eyes being blue. I haven't decided what I want Bella's power to be or if I am even going to give her one. Also just wanted to apologize for the length when I write it down it all seems so long, but when I type it, it gets very short PLEASE REVIEW and there are pictures of what Gabriella looks like to me and Bella's car in my profile, so check them out. I should be posting in another four days. I like the four day rotation. So once again please review it can only make my story better. PEACE**


	3. Chapter 3: Him

**A/N: Okay, so last night I got this really great idea and started writing this chapter. Before I knew it I was all done and I liked it so I figured there was no need to make you guys wait until Friday. Thank you guys so much for the reviews they were helpful. Enjoy the chapter and review again if you please. **

**Disclaimer: All the lovely characters belong to Ms. Meyers except for the two that my brain decided to create. **

**Chapter 3: Him **

He turned around obviously hearing my heavy breathing. He had light hazelnut eyes with a splash of green in them. _I wonder if he is one of us. _Why was I thinking of him that way? I had only just met the guy. I put my head down in shear embarrassment knowing that if I was still human my face would have been redder then a tomato. I noticed a smile playing across his face as I sat down.

"Okay," Gabby started I could tell this was going to be one of her long rants, explaining just about every detail that had happened in our lives. I slowly started to let my thoughts consume me. "Isabella Swan are you listening?" Her voice was cold.

"Oh sorry, what did you need?"

"I was trying to introduce you to Christian."

"Oh sorry for my rudeness," I really just wanted to hide my face; I don't think I could take anymore embarrassment. "Hi my name is Isabella, if you didn't already know." I couldn't help but smile at my own sarcasm.

He laughed, "Well my name is Christian incase you didn't know." I noticed that I was smiling now. _Wow when was the last time I smiled, it had been a little, sure every now and again I did one of those half smiles just to make other people feel happy, but this was different this was an actual smile. _

"So what brings you two to Knappa High School?" he asked casually.

"Well," _Oh gosh I just thought of this we hadn't thought of a story farther than we had just been adopted. _I began to panic, fear rising in my head. Seeing me pause, Gabby piped in.

"My parents died in a car crash, and Isabella's parents were nice enough to take me in. I really was having a hard time living in the same town as I once did with my parents so, Mr. Swan got a good job offer a town away and we moved here." I was shocked. When had Gabby ever been able to come up with a good lie, I would have to ask her about this later.

"Oh, I am terribly sorry for your losses." He looked away thinking he had caused her some type of mental pain. "Well I guess I better get going don't want to be late for class. I see you guys later." He said as he stood up and glided through the cafeteria doors. Almost every single girl was starring at him, jaws open.

"Isabella you can close your mouth now." Gabby said laughing.

"What are you talking about?" I replied quickly shutting my mouth hoping she didn't see my attempts to cover my tracks.

"I don't think I have even seen you act that way over any guy." I could tell this was going to be pure torture.

"I didn't act anyway, He was nice said hi, but you know how I feel about humans."

"Oh you couldn't tell, could you? Maybe it was because you were too busy trying to not look at him." A smile crept across her face. She was just getting started.

"Couldn't tell what?" I asked pointedly.

"That he is one of us. The shaggy blonde hair, the hazelnut eyes, well those aren't that usual but still, the way he walked, how every girl basically drools over him." She shot me a look, and I turned away quickly so I didn't have to see her snicker. "He is a vampire silly and he seems to be very interested in a girl named Isabella Swan."

"Whatever, you better hurry up and get to class." I replied quickly changing the subject.

"Well see," and with that she got up and dumped her untouched tray in the trash can and was out of the cafeteria in a heartbeat. She was a moving a bit to fast for my liking any human could pick up on her speed walking. I got up from the table thinking over the events that just happened. _I couldn't really feel this way again could I. I thought once you found love it only happened once. _I felt the battle starting to rage inside. _Will you please get over him? What has it been 25 years, you should live a little ask this Christian boy out._ The guilt side was coming out. _No Isabella Marie Swan, you will not go out with his boy, you heart belongs to him and only him. It would be more of a betrayal than anything else you could ever do. _I was starting to give myself a headache. I debated on going to the rest of my classes for the day and decided against it. I know it wasn't a good thing already skipping on the first day, but I would just tell the teachers I was overwhelmed and had to go home. If it came to it I would have to dazzle them a little. I decided that I would go out to my car and continue to sit in silence hoping that my mind would slowly sort things out. I must have been outside for a long time because before I knew it Gabby was tapping on the window.

"Let me in," she whispered fear in her voice. I quickly unlocked the door and she slid into the passenger seat. "Well don't just sit her lets go." I threw my Audi in reverse and we were flying out of the parking lot in no time. As we were turning the last corner to the exit I noticed Christian standing next to a candy colored BMW. _Nice car_ I thought to myself. "Bella did you hear me?" Gabby asked impatiently.

I could tell she was starting to get annoyed with the fact that I wasn't listening to what she had to say. "Sorry I was just..."

She cut me off "Just staring at Christian, oh it is okay, but this horrible boy was attempting to follow me and ask me out." She had a complete look of horror on her face.

"Well Gabby, I hate to break it to you, but usually when there is a new, pretty girl in school the guys try to see who can get her first." I laughed thinking back to when I first moved to Washington State and Mike Newton tried to win my heart, of course he didn't someone else did, but I wasn't aloud to think about that person right now.

"That has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life." The car grew silent, I could tell there was something Gabby was trying to tell me, but out of fear of my anger decided to hold it back.

"Well, spill it what did you do?" I said glancing in her direction.

"Well I kind of invited Christian over tonight, because he didn't have anything better to do. It isn't like we can sleep or anything." She said sending me quick glances and then turning towards the window.

"You did what?" I was obviously shocked by this news.

"I asked him over. I thought maybe we could go to the mall and go shopping or see a movie."

"Yah, because boys most definitely want to spend their time with a bunch of girls in the mall," sarcasm was dripping all over the statement. She got quite again, she was hiding something. "What? What else did you do, just say it now. You might as well get everything out in the open."

"Well, he already agreed to the mall and I told him we would pick him up at like 7:00."

I growled. Fear was showing her eyes. "Fine," I spat as I got out of the car and walked into the house. "You and I both know that this thing you have for him will only last a little while." I threw in the last few words to cause her a bit of pain. I could tell I really angered her now.

"For your information Miss Bella Swan, he is not for me his for you."

"What did you just call me," rage was filling my body now. "You wouldn't dare." I could feel my eyes turning coal black as the anger started to take over me.

"Isabella, I am sorry." She stuttered slowly walking away. "I shouldn't have gone that far, you hurt me so I thought I should hurt you back a little. You know an eye for an eye."

I couldn't stand to look at her anymore "Yah and eye for an eye." I muttered. I could feel my eyes slipping back to their original color and the rage slowly going back to its hiding place. "It was a stupid reason to get mad anyway. Do you at least know the directions to his house?" I asked trying to lighten the mood.

"No, not really, I told him it would be easier if he just met us at the school."

"Sounds good enough," I said turning to go into the house.

"Isabella, I really think you should give this guy a chance, it could help you maybe, you know get over him." I could tell she was trying to help, but I would have to do this on my own.

"Yah I know you are just trying to make me feel better. It's just that I don't think I am ready for that now. I don't know if I ever will be ready." I held my head down in shame and quickly ran up to my room, gently shutting the door behind me. I crawled into my king size bed and escaped to the trance, I now considered sleep.

**A/N: Okay so I am aware of the fact that I didn't really describe Christian that will happen more in the next chapter, but if you want to see what Christian and his car look like just go to my profile and there will be links to the pictures. I am also aware that I posted a bit early. Getting off of my four day rotation schedule, I guess it was because this chapter came very easy to me and I just felt like I had to get it down and get it out there. I will most likely post again on Saturday or earlier if I get hit with an idea again. Please review it can only help my story. Thanks PEACE **


	4. Chapter 4: Emotions

**A/N: Okay so the chapters have been coming to me a bit easier than anticipated hint the fact that I have updated two chapters in three chapters in three days. Now I am going to say that it won't always be like this and eventually my brain will fall into my four day routine until then please review and Enjoy Reading. Also sorry about bad spelling and grammer. I finished writing this at about 12:00 in the morning it is not going to be my best editing skills. **

**Disclaimer: I only own two of these characters the rest are the creation of Ms. Meyer. **

**Chapter Four: Emotions**

As I lay in my bed waiting for the trip to the mall with Christian, I accidentally let my guard down and was suddenly flooded with the emotions and memories of them. I tried to think fast to build the walls but the memories easily over took me. I could feel the place where my heart use to be begin to ache. The pain was becoming intense; I had never felt anything like this before. I being to sob, but tears refused to come out, everything that I had struggled so hard to keep in for the past 25 years came out and flooded me in a sea of pain. I tried to keep my head above the water, not drown in the sorrow, but there was nothing I could do now it was too late, I would have to suffer through. This isn't the first time this has happened, nor did I think it was going to be last. I heard Gabby's footsteps as she approached my door, "Isabella are you alright?" concerned was laced in her voice.

I managed to whisper a faint "Yes," before the emotions over took me again. Memories of our meadow suddenly circled in my head and his scent hit me hard. I could still his musical laughter ringing in my ears. _Why?_ I didn't really want to let him go. _Isabella Swan you know this isn't the life you want without him. Having all this being all this doesn't mean one thing unless he is by your side. _The pain was becoming unbearable now. I began to claw at my marble chest hoping that it would distract me from the ever growing pain in my dead heart. A new emotion hit me fast and hard. Anger and rage seemed to be seeping into my mind. I felt my body tense and my eyes turn black. A fierce snarl escaped my lips. The rage was becoming stronger and stronger, but it wasn't directed towards Edward, it was directed towards myself. _How could you be so stupid?_ I could feel the battle in my surfacing. _I am not stupid it was his entire fault. If he didn't try and push me away all the time. NO! Don't you dare blame this on him, you left him, you called it quits, you gave up on you two. You knew that he was too good for you in the first place; you knew it had to end, it was better this way, and you ended it on your own terms. _ I heard Gabby's steps as she reproached the door; my snarl had obviously scared her.

"Isabella are you sure you are okay? Please let me in, I can help you get through this."

I couldn't take it, her pleads sounded the same way his did the day I told him to go. "You have no right to be angry Isabella Marie Swan you brought this upon yourself." I was so angry that I was screaming allowed now. I had to let it out I had to find some type of release. The scene started to replay in my head. _No! You are going too far you can't handle seeing this yet. Please_I was begging myself so that I could see an image of him. _Please just let me see him. No! It will only hurt your chances of getting over him. You have suffered enough just let him go. _

"Isabella, I just can't stand out her while you are in pain. I am coming in," her voice was maternal. At that exact moment Gabby made up her mind she was done with being the patient friend, and busted in my room. She easily grabbed my off the bed and pulled me into a motherly huge. She sat there with me while the dry sobs returned, whispering words of encouragement in my ear. "It's going to be okay," she whispered to me once last time. I slowly felt the rage slipping away and an overwhelming feeling of embarrassment and grief settled in. "Isabella do you want me to call Christian and cancel our plans tonight?" she asked while looking up at the clock. I knew that Gabby really wanted to go the mall and could not see the point in making her miss out on her fun.

"No," I replied my voice slowly was gathering back strength. I owed it to him, I owed it to myself to finally let go. I finally realize that in the end I gave up on us and there was nothing I could do about it now. As the thoughts finally sunk in shame, hurt, and despair took over my mind once again. Noticing my sudden shirt in mood again. Gabby look at me her eyes full of concern. She opened her mouth to talk but I cut her off "Please don't, just give me a few minutes and I will be downstairs."

"Okay," was all she said as she got up and gracefully picked up my door and but it back in place. She walked out of the door and closed it behind her.

My mind immediately began to rebuild the walls, this time making them stronger than usual. I wouldn't be able to afford another break down, I would have to be extra careful in the up coming weeks about how and what I thought of. I looked at myself and decided that I didn't really feel the need to change my clothes. I pulled my hair back into a high ponytail, only leaving some bangs down to slightly cover my eyes. As I finished the last touches on my hair I refused to look into the mirror, I didn't want to face myself, not yet it was too soon. As I walked down the stairs Gabby was already waiting at the bottom in a white V neck sweater and jeans. She smiled at me attempting to lighten my mood. I quickly threw the half smile at her, which I had become so accustom to making. She seemed content enough and opened the front door and started walking towards my car. I walked and locked the door behind me, and took off in a slight jog to the car. I slide into the drivers seat the feeling of the cold leather making my legs tingle. I turned on the car and heard the sound of the engine purr. Before gabby could even close her door I pulled off. By the time we hit the end of the driveway I was at 180. I glanced over at gabby and fear was in her eyes. She has become accustom to my fast driving, but I wasn't driving fast today, I was driving reckless. I loved it, every second of it. I let my window down so the wind could sting my face. The speed was exhilarating; I felt all my worries and thoughts disappear as I turned into the parking lot. I let out a small laugh at how pathetic and uncontrolled I had been earlier. Gabby shot me a have you lost you mind look. "I am fine, I said trying to reassure myself more than her. I slowed my sped down and easily swung into a parking spot close to the school's entrance. I glanced at the clock it was only 6:55 _well at least we aren't late_. I got out of the car and leaned against the door, being careful to not put my full weight on it, for fear of breaking it. I could feel gabby's eyes scrutinizing and trying to analyze my every move. I felt a little uncomfortable wit her watching me so I walked over and sat on the curb of the street. I heard a car approaching and fast. I didn't even have to look up to know that it was him. He pulled into the parking spot next to my mine and got out of the car. He walked over to the curb and offered to help me up. As our hands connected I felt a spark, a surge almost that I had not felt in over 25 years. _This isn't right Isabella turn back now while you can. _I only had this feeling with one other person, a person whose name I can't even speak or think. As soon as I was sure I was stably on my feet I jerked my hand away from. I looked up into his hazel/green eyes, and a hurt expression could be seen behind them.

"Sorry," I murmured.

"It's alright," he answered and stuck his hands in his pickets. _I wonder if he felt it too. _ It was at that very moment that I finally noticed him and took in all of his features and scent He had shaggy, skater, blonde hair that would hide his eyes until he nervously pushed it away. He was tall, much taller than I am. He at least had to be 6'3, 6'4. His face was chiseled and his pale skin stood out again the navy blue turtleneck he was wearing. Gabby must have noticed my gawking again and made a coughing noise from the inside of my car. We both looked up at the same time embarrassment written plainly across our faces.

"Right," I said quietly to myself. "Do you mind if we take my car? I really feel like driving."

"No, not at all," he replied and hopped in the backseat. I jumped into the driver's seat and took a swift glance at him in my review mirror. Our eyes met and I quickly looked away starting the engine of my car. The drive was relatively quite, besides Gabby's failed attempts on making polite conversation. As we reached the entrance of the mall Gabby turned into a shopping predator. She grabbed my hand and began to drag me towards Gucci. I glanced over my shoulder and shot Christian a plead for help. He smiled and shrugged his shoulders and followed us into the store. In no time gabby loaded all three of us with clothes and made us all play model. We ended up spending most of the night in the same fashion. By the time we reached my car again we each were carrying eight bags and didn't want to see the total amount of money we just spent.

"Hey Isabella do you think you could drop me off at the house before you drop Christian off? I have an awful lot of homework to do." Gabby asked me very sweetly.

My jaw nearly hit the ground. I knew exactly what she was trying to do, but I couldn't object for fear of hurting Christian's feelings. "Sure," I replied as sweetly as I could manage. From the smirk on Gabby's face she knew the position she had just put me in, and she was loving every minute of it. As I pulled into our driveway Gabby asked Christian to help her take all of our bags in, and being the gentleman that he is, he obliged. As I sat in the car waiting for Christian to get out of the house, my stomach began to fill with a very unfamiliar feeling. My stomach was churning _was I nervous_. I never got to finish the internal conversation with myself because Christian slid into the passenger seat.

"Hi," he smiled flashing all of his teeth.

"Hi," I said shyly. To my despair those were the only two words we spoke to each other the whole entire ride back to the school. As I pulled into the spot next to his BMW I couldn't help but talk "Thanks a lot for dealing with Gabby's shopping tonight."

"No problem," before I could even think he leaned over and kiss me on my check. He flashed one last smile and stepped out of the car. "Goodnight Isabella." I couldn't even speak. To say he caught me off guard would be a huge understatement. I just at there and watched as he glided over to his car and pulled out of the parking lot quickly. He just kiss me, I didn't even know what to do with myself. I glanced into my review mirror and notice I had the largest grin plastered on my face. For once in a long time I felt carefree and happy. I sung to myself the whole drive home.

**A/N:  I am pretty happy with this chapter and all. For those people who want to know yes, the Cullens will be entering the story rather soon. I really just want to get something established first between Isabella and Christian. Anyways please review it can only help my story. Peace **


	5. Chapter 5: Nervous

**A/N: I am back once again woo hoo. I was completely and utterly blindsided with another idea so of course I had to publish it for all. I would also like to apologize for the length of my chapters. I know they don't look long but you have to remember I also write in huge paragraph blocks, and in doing that I am throwing away just about everything all of my English teachers have taught me. Special Thanks to xxpiratesxx who let me bounce some ideas off her and now I think I have pretty much established my point. Yah my writing has a point and also to ridciulouskopec who not only gave me my first review but continues to review after every chapter. Thanks a lot all yawls. Enjoy reading, and review if you please. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon because I can't change bodies with Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 5:**

**Nervous**

As I pulled the car into the driveway I cringed at the fact that I was about to be bombarded with questions from Gabby. I turned off the car and walked towards the house at a human pace. I could already hear Gabby walking impatiently near the front door. I took a deep breathe as I turned the knob. The door swung open with unnecessary force.

"Gosh are you the slowest vampire in the world," aggravation was written across her face.

"No," I said smiling. "I just needed a little time to process things that happened tonight."

"What things? What happened tonight?" Gabby looked as if any moment now she was going to get down on her hands and knees and beg for information.

"He kissed me," I said shyly. If I were human my face would have turned the darkest shade of red.

"No way!" she screeched. If I didn't know any better I would say that Gabby was more excited than me. "So how was it?" she asked, waiting to get the full inside scoop.

"A true lady never kisses and tells." I said smirking. I could tell my evasiveness was killing her. I picked up my bags from the mall and started towards the stairs.

"Isabella Marie Swan you are one," I shot her a dirty look. I hated it when she cussed. "You are one, ahh I don't even know what you are, but it isn't a very nice thing." She turned away and went back into the living room mumbling something about stupid best friends who refused to share secrets. I laughed as I pictured Gabby's face. I quickly ran upstairs and put all of my clothes away. I sat out an outfit for school tomorrow wanting to look extra nice _for him of course._ My mind said finishing the sentence._ No for yourself you deserve this Isabella. _I was smiling again. What about him had made me so happy? Why did I feel like I was alive again for the first time in 25 years? I quickly decided on my best pair of khaki jeans and a long white sleeved shirt. I figured I would wear my tan clogs. As I walked around my room trying to locate my other clog my reflection caught in the mirror. My eyes were turning more of a dark brown with a slight hint of black around the edges; I would have to hunt soon. Of all the things I hated about being a vampire hunting had to be the worst. It wasn't killing the animal that bothered me, even the blood wasn't bad, it was the simple fact that every time I hunted memories came back to me in flashes. I was slowly beginning to remember how I got this way, how my life as a vampire started. I sat on the edge of my bed quickly pushing the thoughts of my change out of my head. I started debating on whether or not I wanted to take my unneeded shower. I quickly gave into some of my old human indulgences and grabbed my bag of toiletries. I walked into my bathroom. It was an alright size, not near as large as Alice's. I gasped allowed and held onto the counter, waiting for the pain to hit me, waiting for the whole to open, but it never came. Nothing came. I just stood there in my bathroom gripping the counter. I must have been in the same stance for over an hour before I finally allowed myself to move. _Why didn't it hurt?_ I thought to myself, _was I finally allowed to say her name. _Not wanting to test myself I quickly went back to referring to them by hers and hims. I quickly stepped out of my clothes and turned on the hot water. I waited until the room was filled with steam before stepping into the shower. The water felt warm against my cool skin. I instantly began to relax and let my thoughts flow through my mind. _Why?_ This seemed to be a question that was quite repetitive._ What happened in this short amount of time between now and earlier that I was finally allowed the freedom to say one of their names? _It must have taken me a good ten minutes to come up with an understandable answer, I was avoiding it, I didn't want to admit it but I knew what had made me able to say her name, it was him, it was Christian. My hand instantly rose to the spot where he had kissed me check. The water was giving the impression of his lips pressed against my skin again. _Isabella it was just one kiss, do not get your hopes up. Christian isn't solving anything, you have just come to terms with your decision that's all. _I heard a light tap on my bathroom door.

"Isabella you have to get out of the shower, we are going to be late for school." Gabby spoke softly; a tinge of anger was in her voice. I could tell she was trying to hide it.

"Yah, I will be out soon." I finished up and turned the water off. I walked gracefully out to my room and pulled back the curtains. _Perfect weather,_ I thought to myself. Clouds were dispersed through out the sky so that the sun couldn't peek through. I pulled on my pants and shirt and decided to pull my hair back with a head band. I shook my hair out and blow dried it which took all of about ten minutes. I slid the head band into place and pulled some of my bangs out to hang over my eyes. _Well this is as good as you are ever going to get_ I thought to myselfI took one final look at myself and grabbed my books and walked out of my room. Gabby was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs looking impatient again.

"You know Isabella, next time you decide to take a three hour shower make sure that you aren't stealing all the warm water," anger was seeping through her words.

"Sorry, I am not used to other vampires wanting to take showers," I shrugged. _Well it is true. Gabby and I were truly an odd pair of vampires. _I walked out to my car and slid into the driver's seat and waited for Gabby to appear. I heard her approaching the car making her footsteps a lot louder than necessary. As she slide into the passage seat she mumbled inconsiderate. I laughed at the fact that we were bickering over a shower.

I pulled out of the driveway and raced to school, driving a little faster than necessary. I was anxious to see him. I wanted to see him, I knew it had only been a couple of hours, but something about his presence gave me hope.

Gabby glanced over at me, "In a hurry to get to something Isabella," she said snickering.

"No," I replied sharply. "I just don't want to be late that's all." We rode the last two minutes of the car ride in silence. I began to scan the parking lot for his red BMW. _You shouldn't do this to yourself Isabella, you are feelings are to strong for just one kiss. What if he leaves? What if you leave him? What if he returns? _A low growl came into my chest. Why couldn't my thoughts just leave me alone, I was tired of thinking, I was tired of being logical. I just wanted something to clear my mind. I looked over to see Gabby staring at me with a look of confusion on her face.

"Did I do something Isabella; I mean the shower isn't really that big of a deal." Gabby asked concerned.

"No, just thinking about something," with that I hoped out of the car and started to walk towards the building. As I was about to enter the front door I heard a familiar engine pull up next to my car. A smile crept across my face and I headed in for my second day of school. I headed off to English my thoughts light and happy. I sat down in my desk and begin to drum a silent beat on the table. Two familiar scents hit my nose and I looked up to see Gabby and Christian walking into the class room. I was so giddy that if I would have been human I would have fallen over in my seat. Gabby sat down on my right side and Christian sat down on my left. He flashed me one of his brilliant smiles.

"Hey Isabella, how was the rest of your night." He began to lean into me, it seemed like our faces were only inches a part.

After a few minutes of collecting my mind I felt a jab in my side. "Oh it was fine, great actually." I finally managed to stutter out. "How was the rest of your night?" I asked trying to be polite.

"Well, it wasn't the great actually," he said sadness coming over his eyes.

"Oh, why is that?" I asked truly concerned.

"Well, if you must know," he paused trying to think of the right words. "It wasn't that great because I was not in the company of you."

I flashed him a smile and quickly looked away trying to hide my face of embarrassment.

I think Gabby almost choked on her own laughter, Christian laughing with her. Luckily for me the teacher came in and started class at that exact moment. Class seemed to drag on for forever, and every few minutes I would steal glances at Christian, him usually stealing glances back at me. At the ring of the bell Christian was already up gliding towards the door. He looked back over his shoulder and called out "I'll see you guys at lunch, Bye Isabella," and with that he was gone. I stood there barely able to move. Why was I feeling such an overwhelming emotion to be with him, to grab him, to kiss him, to just be held in his arms?

I felt Gabby tugging at my arm "Come on Isabella, we really need to get to class." She said pulling me out of the room, once we go into the hall she whispered in my ear "Next time you are near him could you please remember to breathe, the humans were beginning to look at you funny."

I couldn't believe it not only was I having these intense feelings for him, I could barely even breathe when he was around. My first four classes passed by slowly as I waited for the lunch bell. I wanted to see him. I needed to see him. _Maybe you should ask him over to the house today? I am telling you Isabella Marie Swan do not get to involved with this boy. _The voices in my head where getting more annoying with every minute. I had already made up my mind. I was going to be around Christian, there wasn't a way I couldn't be, this was the first time since we broke up that I was happy and I wasn't going to give it all up because a stupid voice in my mind wanted me to. The bell rang for lunch and I wanted to run in full out vampire speed to the cafeteria. It took all the strength I could muster to walk out of the room in a slow enough pace without being noticed. I began to walk to my locker to put away the books I would not be needing for the rest of the day. As I turned the final corner to my locker there he was standing leaning against it, looking like a model that had just walked off a runway in Milan.

"May I escort you to lunch?" he asked casually as I put my books away.

"Sure, I don't see why not." I replied trying to keep my voice as calm and steady as possible, and with that he grabbed my hand and began to walk towards the cafeteria door. I heard girls gossip jealously with their friends, about the new girl who finally was able to claim Christian as her own. I gripped his hand harder and was surprised to feel the same spark of electricity running between our touching skin. His touch felt warm and comforting, it took all of my careful training to not turn towards him and kiss him in front of the whole lunch room. I could see Gabby already sitting at a table, farthest away from the rest of the students; her eyes seem to be a darker shade of blue then usual. "What's wrong?" I asked as I sat down.

"Hi Christian," she acknowledged him trying not to be rude, "stupid teacher has no clue what she is talking about." All of a sudden her sullen mood turned quite happy as she seemed to notice that Christian and I were holding hands, her eye brows raised. "So I guess you guys have decided to... yah know date?" She asked so causally and bluntly.

"Uhh…," seemed to be the only thing I could once again get out.

"Well I wouldn't say dating yet," Christian answered not even phased by the question. "We are more or less just enjoying each others company," and with that he squeezed my hand again.

"Cool," was the only reply Gabby gave as she began to search the cafeteria, and that was how we sat for the rest of lunch in the cool, calming, fitting silence. We must have been completely out of it because before we knew it the late bell was sounding and we all had to rush off to class. I spent the rest of the day in a complete daze, Christian's words replaying in my mine _"Well I wouldn't say dating yet."_ What did this mean? Was he going to ask me out on date, was he waiting for me to ask him out on a date? Would I even accept if he asked me out on date? _Don't be stupid Isabella of course you would accept._ My mind was telling me what I wanted to hear for once and I couldn't be more excited. The rest of the day seem to pass rather fast and as I was walking out to my car I felt his presence as he slid beside me and took my hand. He spun me around before I could even say hello.

"Isabella I was wondering would you like to go on a date tonight?" nervousness was in his voice. _I couldn't believe it not only did he just ask me out on date, but he was nervous, nervous that I actually would turn him down. _

"Yes, that sounds fun." I replied trying not to sound too excited.

"Great I will pick you up from your house at 6:30."

"Sounds good to me," I smiled, my stomach was doing happy flips as he looked into my eyes.

"Well I better get going I'll see you at eight." He said as he broke eye contact.

"Yup, see you at eight." I replied. He let go of my hand and walked over to his car and in a blink he was gone.

I walked deep in my thoughts all the way to the car. Gabby was already leaning against the passenger side. "So I heard that someone has a date tonight," She was obviously teasing me.

"So," I muttered not trying to sound to pleased.

"Well I think that it is a great thing you are trying to date again Isabella. I think you are finally starting to come around." A smile was placed upon her face.

I couldn't help but smile at her words and once again a sign of hope was in my heart. _Maybe I was starting to get over him; this is wonderful I was finally going to be able to live my life again. _

**A/N:** **Well there you go peeps chapter 5. Hope you liked it and the Cullens will be entering in the next chapter or the chapter after that (gasping noises). I also just wanted to tell you guys that the next chapter is going to fast forward in time and most likely will be two months later after Christian has asked Bella out on her first date. Please, please review it can only make my story better also I can answer all of your questions. So please review. Peace **


	6. Chapter 6: Happiness or Not

**A/N: Sorry, I really did intend for this to be out earlier today but it is tech week with a production I am helping in and well practice ran a little late, but any who there is a semi surprise. THIS CHAPTER HAPPENS SIX MONTHS AFTER CHRISTIAN ASKS BELLA OUT ON THEIR FIRST DATE. Review if you please and enjoy reading. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon. **

**Chapter Six:**

**Happiness or Not**

I sat next in Christian's car waiting for him to get in. _Wow it has really been six months. So many things have changed._

"Are you ready?" Christian asked as he climbed into the driver's seat.

I grabbed his hand into mine and laced our fingers "If it has anything to do with you, I am always ready." I replied happy to express how I felt about him.

"Isabella Swan I love you."

"I love you too."_ Did I seriously just utter those words out of my mouth? Did I even mean what I just said, of course you meant what you said or you would have never said it. _He smiled at me obviously happy with my response.

"Well, we better get going before the sun comes up and we shock all the humans," he said chuckling.

"That would be an interesting sight." _What did you expect Isabella? He takes you on a romantic get away vacation and you expected him not to say he loved you. You are smart aren't you? _I could feel a frown presenting itself on my face.

"Is something wrong," Christian asked sensing my mood.

"Nothing," I muttered. For the rest of the ride we sat in silence. My mind preparing itself for the impending battle my heart was having. _You are over him Isabella and he is over you do not let this thing with Christian go to waste. _"I know," I cried allowed, tired of holding my thoughts in. Christian looked at me through the corner of his eye. I took my hand away from his and rubbed the side of my temples.

"Are you sure you are okay Isabella."

"I am fine, I promise. I just have a lot on my mind." I was thankful that we had just pulled into my driveway and leapt out of the car immediately. I saw the hurt expression play across Christian's face._ Oh good job Isabella now he thinks you don't like him. _

"I am sorry Christian. I know I have been difficult lately."

"Lately," He muttered thinking I didn't hear.

I continued on. "I know I have been difficult lately and unresponsive, but I do like you….I love you," His face instantly lit up. _Don't do this Isabella don't lie to him. **Shut up I do love him. I do love him. **_"I am just scared that's all. I don't want things to end the same way that it did with him and I."

"Isabella Marie Swan you have nothing to fear. I am not like him; I would do anything and give anything to be with you. I love you with all my dead heart." A small laugh left my mouth. "I will always be here for you, and if it takes you a little while to be comfortable with that, it is fine with me."

I smiled sheepishly. Christian did love me and I loved him and there was nothing else I needed to know at that moment. I turned around and walked around to his side of the car. I leaned in placing my cool hands on his face, and I traced his lips with my fingers, his breathing staggered with every touch. I smiled again at the fact that he and I could have this affect on each other. I grazed my lips with his and then turned around and headed towards the house. _You are betraying him. _I shut off my thoughts tired of hearing what they had to say. "Goodnight Christian." I said glancing over my shoulder one last time before going inside the house.

"Goodnight my love." He whispered, knowing I would hear. As I shut the front door I heard his car pull out of the driveway.

"So did you ask him," Gabby asked impatiently. For a vampire Gabby had the worst patience.

"Oh, I forgot to. I guess I will have to call him later." I replied knowing that I had purposely not asked him.

"Are you lying to me Isabella Swan?" she asked raising her eyebrows and placing her hands on her hips.

"No, I really did forget. It was such a busy weekend," She began to laugh loudly, her musical laughter filling the house. "NO!" I shouted. Her face was in complete shock. "I mean no, it wasn't like that, we aren't like that."

"You mean that after six months you guys aren't yah know." She asked, obviously this was something Gabby had never done herself before.

"No," I replied trying to hide my embarrassment. It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to, trust me he did, I just couldn't every single time we started to I would see his face, His golden eyes starring at me in disgust. "I am going up to bed." I said quietly and quickly made my way up the stairs. Gabby did not follow, she knew all to well that she had hit a soft spot and to leave me alone with my oh so opinionated thoughts would most likely be the best thing. I walked over and picked up my phone knowing that I would have to ask Christian now or later. I slowly dialed his number hoping that he would pick up and I could just get this over with. I didn't want to go to this anyway, I thought it would bring up to much memories, but Gabby insisted that with Christian and her with me I could finally get over them and move on to my existence with Christian. On the third ring he picked up and I instantly felt happier. "Hey are you busy."

"I am never busy when you call," He said I could tell he was trying to hide how truly he happy he was hearing my voice.

Silence followed the statement but I quickly recovered "So I have a question for you."

"Shoot," was his only response.

"Well I was wondering if you would like to go on vacation with Gabby and me."

"This is sudden, but where."

I was feeling a little embarrassed asking him this "To Forks, Washington. Gabby thinks I have been doing so well with you, and that going there will finally clear things up for me and I can move on with my life… I can move on with you."

Now it was his turn to be silent. I guessed he was considering his options seeing as how there weren't very many. "Isabella I will tell you the same thing I told you this afternoon. I will always be there if you need me and if you need me or want," he put emphasizes on the word want "to be there with you than I will."

"Not only do I need you there, but I also want you there," my voice sounded confident and convincing.

"Good so when do we leave?" He asked the conversation was taking on a lighter tone.

"I was thinking maybe tomorrow."

"Sudden isn't it?"

"Not really, I have been meaning to ask you for a little while now, but I just didn't have the courage to." I was shocked at my own honesty.

"Well, I guess tomorrow makes sense; we still have another week of spring break left so we might as well go somewhere we can actually hang out in public." I could tell he completely ignored my last statement. Unfortunately that was the only flaw Christian seemed to have, if he heard something he didn't like he would just continue on and act as if nothing happened.

"There isn't that much to do in Forks." I laughed remembering my old home. "But hey I better let you go, so that you can get to packing. We will pick you up tomorrow around 5:00 in the morning."

"You really aren't a girl for much warning are you." He asked playfully.

"No, if I was, I would be boring, and we wouldn't want that now would we." He laughed at my statement.

"No, we most defently wouldn't want you to be boring."

"Okay then," I said satisfied with his answer. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll see you tomorrow," He replied. "Isabella?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

"I love you too." I hung up the phone and immediately finished packing. I was so happy that Gabby hadn't come up to my room; she would most likely be upset that I was waiting until 6 hours before the trip to get ready. She had, had her things packed a week ago. As I went through my closet selecting things and putting things backed it finally struck me. I was going to Forks. I was going to home. _That is not your home anymore, do not think that. _I ignored my mind. For the first time since I left Forks I began to wonder about Charlie, about Renee and Phil, even about Jessica and Mike. I WAS GOING HOME. Excitement and dread suddenly took over my body. I hadn't thought this through what if they see me, what if they can tell that it is me. The feeling of dead seemed to be the winning emotion, because at that moment all I could think of was negative things. I heard Gabby approaching as she walked into my room. By the look on her face I knew she knew what I was thinking.

"Isabella you will be fine. No one will know it is you. Most of them have moved away anyways and even if someone where to suggest that it was you. You could just deny it and dazzle them. You will be fine, we will be fine, this is going to be a great trip and we both know it."

"I guess," my voice was soft and had lost all of the confidence that was present during my phone call with Christian.

"Trust me, everything will be fine," she flashed me a smile to make me feel better.

"Yah everything will be fine," I whispered, trying to convince myself of this. I spent the rest of the night doing some last minute hunting with Gabby and finishing packing my clothes. When the clock hit 4:50 I figured we should start heading over to Christian's place. Christian lived a good human 20 minutes away, but with my driving skills we were there under five. He was already standing outside carrying a black duffle bag with him.

Gabby shouted out the window "She did tell you we are staying a week right?"

"Yah," he replied and slid into the car and greeted with me with a kiss. Complete and utter shock still read across Gabby's face.

"You are only bringing that tiny little bag?" confusion was in her tone.

"I don't need anything else." He replied coolly. He took his hand in mine and I sped off to the airport. The whole 20 minute ride there Gabby continued asking Christian about his lack of luggage. I could tell he was finally reaching his limit on the questions.

"Gabby if I need more stuff, I will buy it, that is what stores are for," his voice was strong and forceful. Gabby got the picture and we walked into the airport in silence. We checked into the counter and made our way to the terminal. Our flight left at 6:00 and because of our perfect timing we barely had time to sit down. We were taken to our first class seat and sat in a row of three. The flight seemed short and before we knew it I was walking into the Seattle International airport. My stomach did nervous flips as I walked off the plane. I didn't want to walk farther my body wouldn't let me. Christian and Gabby who had been walking ahead talking turned around to look at me. Christian was quickly at my side and whispered reassurances in my ear. I looked at him his face was laced with concern.

"It is okay, I will be fine. I need to get over this; I can't just keep on letting this building up. It is hurting things in my life. It is hurting you," I finished the statement with a kiss, so that he knew I was serious, and wouldn't ask anymore questions. He grabbed my hand and began leading me to the exit of the airport, at the same time Gabby rejoined us with our luggage. We walked outside the doors to find a solid black Mercedes S65 AMG waiting for us.

"Christian where did you get the car?" I asked obviously shocked that Gabby and I had forgotten that part.

"Well, I bought it," he said flashing a smile. Worry crept across my face. I hated it when guys spent money on me. "Don't worry Isabella I am not going to give it you as a gift or anything." I just didn't want to rent a car that so many other people used, and as we both know money is no object for me," and with that he threw the keys at me. I easily caught them. "You're driving, seeing as how you know where we are going."

"Yah, I guess that makes sence." I climbed into the driver's seat. The car had a crème colored interior. Christian must have seen my face.

"You know if you like it that much you can just have it."

"Christian I am not going to accept a car from you. I will just go back to work for a little while and buy it myself." For the rest of the ride we bickered about why he couldn't give me the car while Gabby sat in the back cursing herself for ever getting us together. We pulled into the Hilton parking lot. Gabby had insisted on staying here because she wouldn't stand for anything less, and I agreed to stay there because I didn't want to argue with her.

"So when will we head to Forks?" Gabby asked casually.

"I was actually thinking of just checking in really quick and then going now." They both seemed to be satisfied with my answer. I walked into the hotel and checked us in and paid the bell hop to put our bags in our room. I walked back out and slide into the car. _I really am going to have to by myself this car. _I thought to myself. Gabby and Christian were talking about politics and not wanting to cause a riff between either of them, I just shut up and drove. The argument was getting pretty heated to the fact where I had to tell both of them that politics didn't even affect us anyway and they should just both shut up because I would like to enjoy some silence. The air was thick with tension, Gabby and Christian both wanting to cut each other throats, and me, well I was just nervous. As we started getting into familiar territory I slowed the car down. Everything looked the same, over run with green, and rain. I drove by Mike's parents' store and thought about all the afternoons I had worked there. I saw Forks high school and my heart began to ache. This had been where I met him, where this all started. Christian saw my hands tighten on the wheel and placed his hand on my knee, trying to imply the message that everything was going to be okay. I decided that I was going to drive past thier house it would most likely be empty and then my trip in Forks would be a lot easier, knowing that they weren't there. I found their driveway easily which was a surprise, it always seem to elude me when I was human. I thought I heard Alice laugh, or giggle in excitement, but quickly denied it knowing that it was probably my mind just making me remember things. As their house came into view I was shocked at what I saw, the house was exactly the same, it was more beautiful than I ever imagined, but that wasn't the thing I was shocked about, it was him, there he stood in all of his glory. His auburn hair still looking as if he had just rolled out of bed, I felt a sudden sting of pain as I realized what he was doing. He was holding another girl, like he once held me. Gabby and Christian most have noticed the same thing because at the same exact moment Christian gripped my hand so firmly it felt like he was never going to let go. I squeezed his hand so that he knew I will still responsive. I opened my door and slowly got out of the car. I said the only thing that could come to mind "Hello Edward," he turned around at such a fast pace I thought he was going to send the girl flying in a different direction.

"Bella?" His eyes flashed with so many different emotions it was hard to tell with they were.

Christian approached my side and slid his hand around my waist, letting his presence be known. "No, I go by Isabella now."

The look of shock on his face let me know right then in there that she had never told him. Alice must have seen me like this and she had never told him. Why would she do that? Did she not want us to be together anymore? Thoughts continued to race through my mind. "I thought you were dead, I mean Alice saw, she saw it." He thought I was fooling him.

"No Edward, I was never dead," the emotions were coming to quickly now my walls were starting to fall. I slipped out of Christian's grasp and climbed back into the car. This was to much to take in one day.

Christian was still standing there his back was to me so I could not tell the expression his face wore. Gabby finally stepped in "Christian get in the car, lets go." That was all he needed, he seemed to be out of this stupor and slide into the car next to me, he kissed me and grabbed my hand into his again and with that we were gone, speeding all the way back to the hotel in silence.

**A/N: HHAHAHAH Edward has appeared. Okay I know that was not that appearance you all were looking for but I am not going to give you everything in one chapter. Of course next chapter will have more of him in it and he of course will find Bella and other sorts of stuff. Don't hate me though and don't burn me to bad. Please review it can only help my story. Peace. P.S. I really like for people to be able to see things so a picutre of the Mercedes is in my profile. **


	7. Chapter 7: Convincing Myself

**A/N: Well here is chapter 7. I am debating on writing a chapter or two in Edwards POV but can't really decide on what to do. So I am going to ask you guys. Should I write a chapter in Edwards POV? If so the next chapter will most likely be it. I also just wanted to say that music is a huge influence in my writing so if you ever listen to The Killers When you were Young, The Fray's How to Save a life, and Coldplay's the scientist while reading my story they fit really well together. Don't burn me to bad for the chapter; I don't think it is one of my best. Any who review if you please and enjoy reading. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon they belong to Mrs. Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 7:**

**Convincing myself**

As we reached the hotel room I didn't say anything. I didn't want to talk; I just wanted to be left alone. Christian walked around the car and opened my door "Isabella ar..."

I cut him off before he could even get started "I just really need to be left alone right now. This is too much to handle all at once." He seemed to get the message and Gabby and him walked into the hotel leaving me in the car, to my thoughts, to the unbearable pain I knew was coming. I didn't want them to see me like this, so weak, so beaten. I got out of the car at vampire speed not even caring if I was seen and I sped off towards the woods, away from the hotel, away from Forks, away from Christian and Gabby, but mostly away from him. Why? Why did he have to be there? It wasn't enough that thoughts of him tormented my life everyday but now the one time I am here to put him behind me, he is the one I see. _Bella you still love him, Christian and Gabby both know it and you know it. _"NO, I DON"T LOVE HIM. I DON"T LOVE HIM." I was screaming at the top of my lungs. The trees rattled, the ground felt like it was shaking from the magnitude of my voice. I slowly began to crumble to the ground, my face in my hands. "I can't care, I don't want to care. He didn't love me enough to give me what I truly wanted. He didn't love me enough to give me himself. I don't love him, I can't love him." My voice was a whisper; dry sobs began to take over my body. My mind continued to race with thoughts as I remembered the look on his face, when I said his name. The looks of pain, shock, and jealously as Christian slid his arm around my waist. He didn't have a right to be jealous by the looks of it he had moved on with that girl. The thought of him touching another girl was too much to bear. _How could you have been so stupid? You must have known he would move on to. Look you moved on no problem and it wasn't like he thought you were alive. _"I know, I know," I sat there silently repeating to myself. _We have to leave tomorrow. I can't be in the same town as him. This is too much pain, this is to much hurt, and I am not ready yet. _I knew I wasn't ready yet when Gabby suggested the idea, but I thought I would be able to come and act my way through this, and we would be back in Oregon in a matter of days. I heard someone's footsteps slowly approaching. They were light and graceful and then his scent hit me full force. I didn't want to look up. I wished he wasn't there; I tried to close my eyes in false hope, thinking that if I didn't see him he would just go away.

"Bella we need to talk."

"My name is Isabella now, Bella died 25 years ago." The sadness was out of my body and blind rage was starting to take over my body.

"Fine, Isabella we need to talk." His voice was still heavenly. _Do not think these things Isabella you are only torturing your self. _

"What is there to talk about? After we broke up you moved. Bella died and I moved on with my life," my words were laced with venom.

"Isabella don't you dare blame this on me. You are the one who broke up with me remember." He was starting to get angry. His voiced was trying to remain calm but his eyes spoke a different story. They were slowly turning black as he struggled to keep his temper under control.

"I know," I stood up and brushed my clothes off. "I know I broke up with you, but seeing as how you have moved. I would say that you weren't too heartbroken about it." I threw in the last words to see the pain in his eyes.

"I wasn't the only one who moved on," he snarled at me. "If I can remember straight when you pulled up to my house today you were with someone." I had definitely pushed him over the edge. His eyes were now black and no traces of his once golden eyes remained. My mind was telling me that this wasn't how I wanted this to go. That all I wanted to do was be held by him, not be screaming at him.

"I can't do this right now Edward, Gabby and Christian are probably wondering where I am right now." I turned my back to him and strode out of the woods. I felt two cold hands spin me around. I stared into his eyes, there were now back to their golden color.

"I am sorry I lost my temper. This wasn't exactly how I wanted this conversation to go."

"I am sorry too." I put my head down in shame. "Edward I just really can't handle this. I can't handle you. I have tried, I am trying to give you up and since that day Christian has been the best thing that has happened to me." Hurt passed through his eyes.

"Isabella please."

"No I just can't." _You are so stupid just take him back Isabella. You can see it he still loves you take him back. **No I can't go back. I heart him first. I will never deserve him.**_I tried slipping my hand out of Edward's grip, but instead he pulled me in closer and did the last thing I expected he kissed me. At first I didn't know what to do, but my body quickly made the decision for me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me to deepen the kiss. He seemed shocked at first but then quickly wrapped his arms around my waist. It wasn't anything like the passionate kisses I had shared with Christian, no this was fueled with pent up anger, and raw passion. I suddenly felt ashamed of myself. _Christian._ I pulled away quickly, a sadness passed through Edward's eyes. "Edward we can't do this, we both have someone and it just isn't right."

He ran his hands through his auburn hair. "Your right, I am sorry I let my emotions get the better of me." He looked at me one last time before turning away and sprinting from the direction he came.

_Great that was just wonderful. You managed to completely destroy two relationships in one day. _"Shut up," I murmured to myself. Guilt, sadness, and regret quickly took over my body. I walked out of the forest trying to decide whether or not I could even face Christian right now. The guilt was too high, the pain to much, I would have to tell him. It was the only right thing to do. To tell him that I had kissed the love of my life, and it wasn't him, to tell him that he would never amount to what Edward was in my eyes. A sharp twinge of pain ran through my dead heart. As I said his name, _you owe Christian so much more Isabella. I know, I know. _I silently thought to myself. The walk back to the hotel was unbearable and I walked slower than a normal human pace, trying to avoid the situation I was going to have to face. As I finally reached our hotel room door, I took a deep unnecessary breathe before opening it. Christian was by my side before I could even close the door. _You can't do this Isabella, you won't do it. You won't tell Christian anything. _As I looked into Christian's eyes I realized I didn't want to loose him and if I told him what happened with Edward and me it would be over, there would be no going back. _Why should I have to give him up? It was only a stupid kiss. Edward means nothing to me. **Lie he means everything to you. **_

"Are you alright?" Christian face was laced with concern.

"I am fine. It was just too much to handle at once. I feel much better now that I have had sometime to think. Where is Gabby?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"Oh she went to try and find us some tickets back to Oregon. We figured you didn't want to be around here any longer."

"No, call her and tell her to come back. If I am ever going to get over him, I have to face him. I have to talk to him, and to his family. I have to learn to let them go. If not I will just sit at home wondering what if?" _No you just want to see Edward there is nothing else. Leave now while you still have the chance Isabella. _"Fine I guess I will call her." I said staring at Christian who still had a shocked look on his face. I took my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Gabby's number. "Gabby come back to the hotel, we aren't going any where. We still have six days in Forks and I want to get over him and his family." _Selfish. _

"Sure, sorry Isabella, we just thought."

"I know what you thought Gabby, but I just really would like to get over them and move on with my life." My answer seemed to satisfy her and about two minutes she walked into the room.

"So what does this mean?" Christian asked.

"What do you mean so what does the mean?"

"Well you have seen him so are we allowed to say his name around you or do we have to keep on dancing around his family and him in general." Anger was dripped all over his words.

"I am sorry do you have an issue being here for me? Did I do something to offend you?" I replied my voice was filled with venom.

"Yes, I do have an issue being her for you, and sitting here right across from you, when I can smell him all over your clothes." Shock and rage flashed across my face.

"Christian if you are accusing me of something just come out with it now." My voice was fierce. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Gabby look away and swiftly walk out of the living room into her adjoining room.

"I don't know should I be accusing you of something because one thing is for sure you weren't close enough at his house to have his scent all over you."

Shame crept across my face "He found me in the woods…" _Lie Isabella, Lie don't ruin this for yourself lie. _"He just wanted to see me; to make sure that I wasn't fake, nothing happened." I looked into his eyes. _How am I lying to him right now, he deserves to know the truth. _

"Oh, he didn't hurt you did he?" relief played across his face. Had it been that easy to deceive him?

"He didn't hurt me anymore than he already has." I looked away I could not stare into his hazel green eyes anymore. The pain was too great.

"I am sorry. I accused you of something, I don't know I guess I am just scared that you will go running back to him, and leave me sitting here in the dust." I was silent and continued to stare out the window. "You know I love you Isabella Marie Swan. There is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you, and I was stupid not to trust you. Will you forgive me?" I nodded my head yes, still avoiding eye contact. I finally gave in and looked into his eyes. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer to me and kissed him as hard and as passionately as I possibly could, hoping to feel, wanting to feel what I had just felt in the woods, but it wasn't there. Only the small amount of electricity when ever Christian and I touched was there. Christian pulled away "Isabella I love you"

"I love you too," and I don't know what come over me, but from that moment on I knew I couldn't give up what I had worked to build with Christian. Edward may be where my heart was, but I needed Christian and I was way to selfish to just let him go.

"Isabella I think I am going to go hunting. Do you need to come?" I looked up and for the first time that day I really focused in on his eyes the hazel was turning into a dark brown color that had an outer ring of black.

"No, I hunted before we went to the airport."

"Oh, okay well I will be back in a few hours. You got any good places to suggest?"

"Not really, just go north for a few hours there is more forest." I flashed him of my false smiles. He smiled back at me and walked out the door. I took a deep breath and continued to stare out the window.

"Why did you lie?" I jumped out of my seat. I didn't even hear Gabby approaching.

"What?"

"Why did you lie" her voice was laced with worry and concern.

"I didn't lie." I said sternly hoping she would just leave me alone. Once again my hope was false and she pulled a chair next to me and took my hand in hers.

"Isabella Marie I have known you for 24 years now and I can tell when you are lying. Why did you lie to Christian?"

"I didn't want to loose him." I said looking down at free hand that was tracing patterns on my jeans.

"What did you do?" Gabby jumped up and let go of my hand.

"He kissed me and I didn't pull away." My voice was barely a whisper.

"You did what?" hysteria was creeping into her voice.

"I don't know what happened we were arguing and then he kissed me." Shock was written across her face.

"You didn't do anything more did you?"

"No Gabby what do you think I am some type of whore." Instead of answering the question she just looked away. "Well, thanks." I grabbed my coat and headed towards the door.

"Where do you think your going?" she asked her voice accusatory.

"Some where, any where just now here, I don't think I can spend my time in a room with a friend who thinks I am a common whore." I shot her a glare that meant do not follow me.

"Isabella I don't think you are a whore. I should have never implied it. I just think you need to tell Christian the truth before you hurt him anymore."

"I don't need to tell him the truth because I am not going to be with Edward, I don't want to be with Edward anymore." I turned around and continued to walk out the door. "I'll be back soon. Tell Christian to call me if he needs me."

"Didn't he take the car hunting?" She was trying to stall me; she thought I was going to go running to Edward.

"Yes, but I am just going to walk around Seattle." I put emphasis on the word Seattle. "I just need to clear my head." Before another word could escape her mouth I closed the door and darted into the elevator. For once in a long time I was happy to be alone and let my thoughts consume me. _It is for the best you stay with Christian_. "It is for the best you stay with Christian." As I continued walking through Seattle I repeated this to myself over and over again attempting to convince myself of something I knew my heart disagreed with.

**A/N: I know this chapter wasn't really that long and yes Edward made another short appearance. I swear in the next chapter which most likely will be written in Edwards POV you will finally figure out about Edward's mystery girl and what he and his family have been up to for the last 25 years. I have a picture of Edward's mystery girl already in my profile if yall want to see what she looks like. Don't burn me to bad and review if you please. Peace. **


	8. Chapter 8: Senses

**The e-mail alert thing is not working like at all and I realize that many of you guys didn't get my last chapter but if you want to e-mail anytime I would be happy to put you on an e-mail list so I can personally alert you to the next update. Anyways here is the Edward POV chapter this happens right after he leaves Bella in the woods. You will find out a tad bit more about Nicole (mystery girl) but for the most part it is just Edward and Alice. I am doing half the chapter in Edwards POV and half of it in Bella's because I am not comfortable yet writing a whole entire chapter in his POV sorry you guys. Anyways review if you please and enjoy reading. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New moon they belong to Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 8:**

**Senses**

My lips still stung from her kiss. I had never felt anything like that in my life. I knew it was wrong yet I still let it happen. I wonder what Alice is going to say. I hope she doesn't say anything to Nicole; I really wouldn't want her to be to hurt. I would have to break up with her, I had let things go to far already. Everyone in my family knew that I still loved Bella that I still longed for her. It was apparent in my everyday behavior, I still wasn't able to listen to music or play the piano. Jasper still had a hard time being around me because my feelings of anguish and pain were to strong. Out of everyone in the family Jasper knew the most, he could feel what I felt when I thought Bella was gone. He would probably feel the guilt hanging around me when I walked through the front door. As I approached my house I could already hear Alice's thoughts, they were a mixture of excitement and disappointment.

_Edward I really wished you could have just waited. Now you are going to hurt Nicole in the process to. I told you not to go after her Edward will you ever learn to listen. _

Nicole's thoughts came in next, _Edward who was that girl? Are you alright? You took off so fast I didn't even get to ask you what was wrong, _

A small growl escaped my lips out of frustration. I really didn't need to deal with their thoughts, when I couldn't even get my own in order. I was walking slower than usual. I didn't want to go any faster. I knew the impending questions were coming. As I got to the top of the porch I just turned around and sat on the steps and put my head in my hands. Had I been so stupid to believe she would just want me back. It was obvious from that boy's thoughts that he was deeply in love with her, and she shared some type of feelings with him. I knew that Bella still had some type of feelings for me from the way she kissed me, the way she couldn't control herself and wrapped her arms around my neck drawing me in closer. I was about to burst with a sudden amount of happiness that I could still have that affect on her, but then guilt took over again as Nicole's face pass threw my thoughts. I could hear Jasper's thoughts faintly. _Edward is there something wrong, because if not could you please stop, your emotions are over bearing. _I sighed once again I was causing my family pain, when I didn't mean to. I felt Alice's sudden presence by my side.

"Edward you can't just sit here in wallow. What happened has happened we must move on."

"Alice, I don't know if I can move on, I don't know if I ever did move on." I flashed a look at the house. "Can we go somewhere else?"

"Where?"

"Anywhere I'll drive." We walked over to my newly acquired Volvo. I had accidentally destroyed my other one when I found out Bella was gone. Alice slipped into the passenger seat and did not say another word until we were clear of the driveway, and couldn't be heard by other vampire ears.

"You need to tell her."

I sighed "Alice you are suppose to be helping me not making me go on a guilt trip."

"Edward it is the only way." She refused to look at me, I couldn't figure out if it was out of shame or anger due to the fact that she was blocking her mind by counting trees.

"How is that only way Alice? You saw Bella dead but obviously she wasn't. That wasn't the only way." My voice was outlined with anger.

"You know what Edward Anthony Mason Cullen, I came out here to help you not to be patronized. You and I both know that my visions were never strong when it came to Bella. I am not the one to blame." She threw the last words in, in a rush and a whisper it was almost hard for me to hear.

"Alice it wasn't my fault, she broke up with me."

"Edward do you think I am stupid. You and I both knew that she was going to break up with you about you not changing her and yet you still didn't do it. I hate to say, it pains me to say it but it is your fault. It has always been your fault because you were to stubborn to see what she really wanted. She couldn't live without you Edward, she couldn't eat, breathe, sleep, feel without you." I glanced over to look at Alice her eyes were so piercing she could have seen right threw me. "You forced us to leave Edward. You forced all of us to give up what happiness we had here in Forks, but that wasn't enough the whole entire time you just sulked around and complained when you made the decision in the first place." She was on the verge of crying now.

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. Was I really the cause of all this? Had I really caused my family and Bella this much pain? I didn't deserve any of them; they were all too good to me. I was finally able to speak "Alice, I am sorry I never realized..."

She cut me off "Edward you never realize what you do until it is too late." She was starting to regain her composure. "Now you have to tell Nicole." My mind flashed back to Nicole, her hair was pen straight and had a red orangish tint to it. Her eyes were bold and a wonderful shade of green. To be quite honest it was half the reason I had felt any sort of attraction to her at all, because her eyes looked human. They reminded me that I was not near the monster I thought I was. She was thin probably about the same height as my Bella, but she didn't compare, nothing compared to Bella. I shook my head nodding in agreement with Alice. I would have to tell Nicole everything; I would not with hold my secrets from her any longer. "Good it is about time Edward, the poor girl knows nothing and the rest of the family is tired of not mentioning it to her."

"Alice did you see Bella alive?" Now it was her turn to look down in shame.

"I saw Bella as a vampire, but I did not think it was her. I thought it was just my mind playing some type of mean joke on me because I missed her so much." Her words stung for unknown reasons. "I know I should have told you this, but you didn't want me to even mention her name, so I figured telling you about a vision was out of the question."

I looked over at Alice again "Alice there is nothing you could have done. It truly was my entire fault." I was being over flooded with the feeling of guilt and couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if I didn't allow Bella to break up with me.

"Edward may we go home. The others are going to start looking for us soon."

"Yah," I whispered. I turned the Volvo around and sped back towards the house. The rest of the car ride was in silence thankfully I was left alone to my thoughts, and Alice was left alone to hers.

**A/N: Now we move into Bella's POV of the chapter. This starts as she is currently walking around in Seattle trying to clear her thoughts. **

I walked past another Starr bucks. _How many of those things can be in one town? _A small smile played across my face as I remembered when Christian took me out to a coffee shop on date. Of course it was his idea of a joke because we both knew we couldn't eat or drink anything, at first I thought it was going to be a disaster, but it wasn't we just sat there and talked enjoying each others company. I felt a twinge of pain as my heart reinstated the fact that it was being pulled into two. I quickly found a bench and sat down, scared that the pain was going to become intense. I felt the oh to familiar feeling of guilt and sadness rise up and the pain slowly creep in. I began to focus on the trees, on the leaves on the ground, just anything that kept my mind off of both of them so that the pain would go away. I don't know how long I sat there on the bench just taking in everything around me, but before I knew it, it was getting dark outside and I figured I should head back to the hotel. I was dreading having to see Gabby or Christian his loving luck and her disgusting look were becoming to much to handle. I thought about it for a little while and started to head towards the hotel in a very slow pace. I didn't want to give up my alone time but I didn't want to scare Christian or Gabby either so I figured this was a nice in between. As I reached the hotel room elevators I felt dread wash over my body. _Do you really not want to seem that badly? _ The truth was yes, I didn't want to see them at all I didn't want to see anyone at all. I debated on turning around and leaving, leaving Christian and Gabby, leaving Forks, and leaving him. The idea seemed to be one that was spontaneous and not well thought out, but it was a good idea at least. I began to mentally make plans for my departure; I would have to come up with a good cover story so that no one would worry. Better yet I would have to come up with a good enough story so that no one would attempt to find me. I must have been standing out side the hotel room door for a long time because eventually Christian opened it and just stood there staring at me.

"So do you plan on coming inside or are you going to stand out here and let the humans wonder what you are doing." I instantly was snapped out of my trance and attempted to brush past Christian. I thought I was going to make it through the door without him saying another word but he grabbed my hand at the last second and spun me around to him. I looked down at the white carpet. We just stood there him holding my hand, and me looking down like a scolded child. He eventually let go of my hand and I looked up into his eyes, you could tell that his heart had just been shattered; if he was human tears would have been pouring down his face. "Isabella just tell me the truth, do you love me?"

I stood there silently thinking over my answer. Yes I loved him, but it wasn't the same type of love I had for Edward, I loved no one the same way I loved Edward. I remembered my thoughts of fleeing earlier and decided that I was too selfish to end things with Christian right now, I still needed him. I took a step towards him and grabbed his hands in mine "Christian I honestly and truthfully do love you. There is nothing in this world that could change the fact that I have feelings for you." _Edward_. **_Shut up_. **I was telling the truth though I did love him and I wasn't going to change my feelings, I was too selfish to allow myself to feel the pain of another relationship lost.

"Good. That is all I need to know. So what do you want to do?"

I smiled at his attempt to try and make the conversation light after such a serious tone. I glanced over at the clock and noticed the time. "I hate to say it Christian but not many places are open at ten o'clock."

He looked at the clock defeated, and then a smile came across his face. "I know where we can go. We can go to a club."

"Oh come on, what fun is it going to be just getting hit on all night. I might actually have to fight one of these human girls away from you." He chuckled at my remark.

"Well it isn't like the guys aren't going to be all over you." This time I laughed at his response it was true both the girls and guys would have a hard time not staring. Sometimes the look on their faces was actually quite comical. I must have gotten lost in my thoughts again because Christian began talking again "I will take that as a yes. I will go tell Gabby." He walked down the hallway of our hotel suite towards Gabby's adjoining bedroom. He and I both knew that she was probably already fluttering around her room getting ready; sometimes she couldn't help but listen in on Christian and mine's conversations.

I headed off towards my own bedroom and prepared myself for an unnecessary shower. The water felt great against my cold skin and for a moment everything seemed fine again, my mind seemed extremely clear. I sat there and cherished the moment because I knew the second I got out of the shower reality would come crashing down on me. I was right of course as soon as I got out of the shower to blow dry my hair I felt the weight of emotions on me again. I decided that I would just blow dry and straighten my hair. I parted my hair so that my bangs came down and covered one of my eyes. I didn't feel the need to be over dressed so I threw on my favorite black jeans and a light blue halter top that had a floral print. I threw on my favorite pair of black stiletto boots and proceeded to do my makeup. I had decided in my human life that less make up was better and had kept to that belief. I put on some neutral color eye shadow and lined my eyes with a light brow. I put mascara on and put the final touch of gloss on my lips. I looked in the mirror and decided that it was good enough. I walked out into the living room area and discovered Gabby and Christian already to go, "Figures," I muttered under my breathe. Christian was wearing my favorite black long sleeve shirt with a pair of distressed jeans and Gabby was wearing a short black mini skirt with a deep red halter top shirt on. Her long blonde hair was curled and held back by a black satin scarf. I couldn't help but send her a skeptical look about the skirt "Gabby does that even constitute as a skirt."

"Oh shush up Isabella. I can't wear things like this in school. I just want to have a little bit of fun." A sly smile crept across her face. I felt bad for the poor human males who were about to be tortured by her beauty. I looked back at Christian again and couldn't help but feel my breath being taken away. He smiled obviously noticing the effect his look was having on me. I shyly smiled back even after six months of dating, I couldn't help but be embarrassed with when my emotions showed.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked trying to make Gabby not feel uncomfortable because of our loving gazes.

"Yah let me just grab my jacket."

"As if you ever get cold" Gabby muttered.

"I heard that," I replied as I went back into the room and grabbed my black denim jacket. "Okay lets go," I said reappearing into the living room. I walked over and grabbed the keys out of Christian's hand and walked towards the door, Gabby and him quickly followed. For some odd reason I felt happy as if I knew something good was going to happen tonight. As we walked outside the bell hops and receptionist couldn't help but stare. I sighed knowing that this was the reaction we were going to be getting all night. Darn Gabby and her stupid short skirts. As we pulled up to the club there was already a long line. I knew we wouldn't have to stand in it Gabby just walked up to the bouncer and with one swift movement of her hair and a slip of a 100 dollar bill we were inside. I could hear the groans from everyone else as we walked inside. The club was crowded the loud music was comforting because it helped drown out all my thoughts. Christian went to grab us a VIP table and Gabby and I headed straight to the dance floor. Of course when we moved it was like the parting of the red sea, everyone just stepped back to stare. Usually I would have hated to feel the stares of everyone on Gabby and me but for some odd reason everything just felt so right. I threw a glance over to Gabby; she looked like she was out on the prowl. Christian walked up behind us and I threw him a quick smile. Everything seemed perfect in that moment. Christian and I started dancing while Gabby causally flirted with the crowd of human males around her. I was having such a good time that I didn't even notice the frown crawl across Christian's face he immediately took his territorial stance with me and Gabby was by my side in a second panic across her face. My mind began to race what would make them act this way all of a sudden and then I saw them there were six of them and they were walking right towards us. I felt a sudden anger pulse through my dead veins as I saw Edward holding hands with that girl. Christian gripped my hand harder like he knew what I was thinking. Before I knew it I was being tackled my Alice and Emmett they were both obviously happy to see me and I happy to see them.

"See I told you it was worth the twenty minute drive Emmett." I couldn't help but be happy and mad at Alice all at the same time. She obviously knew that I was going to be here.

I began to notice the stares we were getting and so did Christian. "Why don't we go over to our VIP room?" We started to walk away. "You guys are welcome to join." He said I could tell his voice was strained and he didn't want the Cullens to be any where near me at all.

"That would be great," Alice and Emmett replied in unison. With that Gabby, Christian and I, and the rest of the Cullens walked back to our VIP room. I could tell that this was not going to be the great night I had expected. Once again my senses were messing with me.

**A/N: Well that is it for this chapter. I am most likely going to post the next chapter half and half again and eventually do a whole chapter in Edward's POV. Hope you enjoyed it don't burn me to bad. Review if you please. Peace. **


	9. Chapter 9: Elated

**A/N: It took me forever to write this. No lie. I was like oh gosh what do I write what do I write. Sorry if everything in the chapter doesn't have my usual flow to it. I ended up writing in like three different sections. The first half of the chapter is in Edward's POV and the second half is in Bella's POV just like last time. OH by the way I feel the need to answer this review, but I couldn't because well it was anonym.**

Twilight lover  
2006-11-23  
ch 8, anon.

Hurry! I must know the rest! How does the night end! I know Bella and Edward must be together, but don't hurt Christian too much--he is a good guy! Maybe he can fall in love with Nicole! Enough raving--I think your writing technique is awsome! How did you come up with this story idea? It rocks! Post the rest ASAP!

**I honestly have no clue how I came up with the story. I had been playing with many different ideas but they never seemed good enough and then one day I was just sitting there and bam I was like this is what I am writing about. Thanks again for the review they mean a lot. Now enough of my ranting enjoy reading and review if you please. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon they belong to the lovely Ms. Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 9:**

**Elated**

As Alice and I drove into the driveway I saw Nicole sitting on the porch patiently awaiting our arrival. I couldn't help but smile at that moment in time. She was so patient with me, she never asked why I refused to listen to music, why I refused to go father with her. She just accepted the fact that something had happened to me and didn't push me any further. As I parked the car Alice sped out of the car to go find Jasper. I however just sat in the driver's seat looking at her. What I just did wasn't right yet I couldn't find enough strength to go talk to her, to go tell her the real reason why I wasn't madly in love with her. I thought back to the first time we had ever met. It had been 19 years since we left Forks and I was still in a deep depression I decided to go hunting and there she was beautiful and fierce. Her orange/red hair was gleaming in the sunlight and when she turned to look at me her green eyes pierced my soul, she looked so human I was taken a back. We had roughly been together for 6 years now and even if I didn't love her as much as Bella, I still loved her and to see her in pain was going to be very hard. I heard her thoughts drift into the car. _Should I approach him? I don't want to bother him. No I will just sit here and wait. He will approach me when he is done, I don't want to intrude on him. _I smiled again she was so similar to Bella in many ways she put other people before herself. I got out of the car not wanting her to wait anymore. I saw her perk up as soon as I reached the steps. I sat down next to her and took her hand in mine. I took a deep unnecessary breath to get ready to confess all my secrets to her. I felt her eyes examining me as I put my head down in shame.

"Edward does this have anything to do with that girl who showed up today?" Her voice was curious yet scared.

"Yes. She was…"

She cut me off before I could even get going. "Edward I already know. She must have been the reason why you haven't been able to move on with me. I realize that seeing she probably bought up so weird emotions. There is no need to explain." She stood up and headed into the house. "You better go get ready." She said over her shoulder giving me one last glance.

_It couldn't be that easy Edward. _"Where are we going?" I said trying to not pry into her thoughts.

"Alice didn't tell you." She pursed her lips. "Well we are going out to a club tonight. I decided that we needed to have a little bit of fun, well you needed to have a little bit of fun."

I smiled again at the fact that she was constantly thinking of me, and how she made things seem so easy. "I'll be in a moment." She went into the house and closed the door. I sat outside and stared at the sky, it was beautiful the stars shown bright. I took another deep breath and entered the house. I was nervous that my family was going to bring the fact that I just ran off to Bella and was now back in Nicole's arms acting as if nothing happened. As I passed Alice's room I heard her thoughts _you really should tell her Edward, but then again when have you ever listened to my suggestions. _I could tell she was smiling about something but decided to let it pass. As I reached my bedroom door I heard Nicole thinking about what outfit she should wear and whether or not he outfit was to modest for the club type scene. I tried to stifle my laughter, but it was too late.

"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen you wouldn't want me to look like a common street whore would you?"

I smiled as I opened the door. "No I guess not."

"See so don't you go laughing at me just because I am taking everything into consideration. Now hurry up and get ready we are leaving soon," and with that she walked off to the bathroom. I walked over to the closet and pulled out a dark blue short sleeve shirt, and put on a pair of distressed jeans that Alice made me buy. According to her they were all the rage these days and that if I didn't own a pair she couldn't consider herself a good sister. I walked downstairs and sat on the couch waiting for everyone else to join me. I heard Carlisle's thoughts before I head him approaching. _Edward what did Bella say._ Her name made me wince.

"I would rather not talk about it right now," I felt the shame and guilt creep back into my body. _Well, when you guys get back tonight I am expecting some type of explanation._ Moments like this were when I wish Carlisle wouldn't decide that it was time to act as a father instead of a friend. "Yah I will have an explanation for you when we get home." My answer seemed to satisfy him enough and went back upstairs to find Esme. I once again was lost in my thoughts about the woods, the way her scent was strong and intoxicating, how her brown eyes seemed to burn into my soul understanding me completely. I didn't even notice it but my whole family was downstairs just staring at me as I sat on the couch staring at the wall.

Alice was the first to speak "Edward come on, or do you just want to stare at the wall all day," _and think about her. _I growled at her last comment.

"No Alice I am not going to stair at the wall all day." Everyone was staring at my intensely now trying to figure out what had set me off so easily. I looked over to Jasper who seemed to be having a hard time with my emotions. He was struggling whether or not to cry in sadness, or break something in anger. "Sorry Jasper," I muttered. I took a depth breath and let him wash calmness through my body. "Thanks"

"Anytime," _Your emotions were about to drive me crazy anyways. _I felt a twinge of guilt again for causing them pain.

I blocked out their thoughts knowing that they would be field with questions. "So who's driving?" I asked attempting to lighten the dark mood I just put over our heads. Thankfully for me, my attempt to lighten the mood worked; although I do think Jasper helped me out a bit.

Rosalie's eye lit up "Emmett and I can take my car and the rest can ride with you in your Volvo." I knew that look. Rosalie wanted to race. The thought of high speeds and the wind rustling through my hair instantly made me in a better mood.

"Sounds like a plan to me," I replied. I smiled smugly as I remembered the last time Rose and I had raced. I beat her so badly she insisted that I cheated some how. Everyone climbed into their assigned cars and we sped off towards Seattle for the night. Before we knew it the city lights were bright in our eyes and we had to slow down to a normal speed. I couldn't help but fill the car with laughter as I saw Rose's face in my review mirror. Her thoughts traveled in my car, _I will beat you one time Edward you just wait. _This sent me into another fit of laughter as everyone in the car just stared at me in amusement. We parked our cars around the corner of the club and quickly walked to the front door. I felt bad for the poor human souls who were standing outside waiting in the cold but when you have sisters like Rosalie and Alice then waiting outside of a club never happens. As we walked through the front door her familiar scent hit me. I looked over at Alice suddenly realizing why she had such a smug look on her face this afternoon.

"Alice you didn't."

"I didn't what Edward. I didn't do anything but decide that this was going to be an awesome place to hang out tonight." She continued smiling. I felt as if I was going to be sick to my stomach. I felt Nicole slide her hand into mine, pulling me along to the center of the dance floor and there she was dancing. I felt Nicole grab my hand firmer as she realized who was standing in front of us. I couldn't help but feel the jealous and angry rise inside of me as that guy had his hands all over my Bella. Jasper sent me a questioning look but I ignored it. How could she be with him? Didn't she love me anymore? So many thoughts were running through my mind. I didn't even notice when we started to move towards their VIP room. I started to plan ways to escape I couldn't be in the same room with all three of them. This was all too much for me, why did Alice have to drag me here.

**A/N: Alright we are back to Bella's POV it is easier to move forward with the story with her thoughts. Seeing as how I am girl, I can kind of guess her thoughts more. Anyway enough rambling this starts in the VIP room. **

I continued to look down at Christian's hand laced with mine and felt the familiar feeling of guilt and shame. The whole entire Cullen family was standing in front of me and I had not a clue what to say, luckily for me I had Gabby who sensed my fear the seconds appeared.

"So," she began trying to sound casual "It is finally nice to meet you guys. Isabella has told me much about you, although all is not good." She muttered the last part under her breath. I shot Gabby a warning look. I felt the tension in the air rise with her last comment. I was trying to figure out away to get rid of it when an idea hit me full force, introductions would be a good start. I looked up at the rest of the Cullens who were still staring at us curiously; Alice and Emmett had gone back to Jasper and Rosalie's sides.

"Oh, please excuse my rudeness. This is Gabby and Christian, and Gabby Christian this is Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Edward, and well I have never met her before." I said quietly while pointing at all of the Cullens.

Everyone but Edward replied in unison "It is nice to meet you." Out of the corner of my eye I saw the girl nudge Edward slightly but he seemed undisturbed, he was concentrating too hard on something. She finally gave up with Edward introducing her and introduced her self.

"Hey my name is Nicole," She held out her hand for me to shake. I took my hand out of Christian's and shook it and quickly grabbed Christian's hand again. As we settled into so silence again Alice decided it was her turn to talk.

"So Bella,"

"Isabella," Gabby corrected her.

"Sorry Isabella what have you been doing for the past 25 years?" I know it seemed to her like an innocent question enough but it began to tear open to many painful memories. Gabby saw my sudden wince of pain, and by the looks of Jasper he was feeling it.

"We," I started but the pain was too much Gabby quickly jumped in for me.

"Well, we have lived in Banks, Oregon for the last year, but before that we traveled through Europe. That was actually were Isabella and I met. We were both newly turned and she showed me an alternative life style so it seemed fitting that I stayed with her."

Alice quickly looked over to Christian, "and you?" her voice sounded happy to Christian and Gabby, but I knew there was something wrong.

"Well I actually just moved to Banks, around the same time Gabby and Isabella did. Before that I belonged to a different coven but decided that I needed to be on my own for a little while." I looked up at Christian in surprise we never really talked about your pasts, especially mine. We usually avoided the subject all together and the fact that he so freely was telling this to the Cullens was shocking.

"Well you better be taking good care of Isabella, Christian I don't care how long it has been since I have seen her, she is like a little sister to me." Emmett spoke his voice was sincere but had an underlying current of a threat.

"Don't worry I am treating her just fine." Christian replied defensively.

I could tell were the situation was heading so I grabbed Christian's hand and insisted that we go back to dancing. Once again the Cullens' faces were filled with shock. This time Edward was the one to speak.

"Since when did you ever dance," he spat the words out at me.

"Since I was changed and you would have known that if you stuck around." I spat back my words were laced with venom and were meant to hurt.

"I wasn't the one who gave up," he muttered under his breath and to my surprise Nicole slapped him, he must have been as surprised as I was because the look on his face was priceless.

"Now Edward I don't know what happened between you two but that is not the way you talk to someone." He looked away shame written on his face. "Now I think we should all go dance and have fun it is what we came here for right?" She looked around the table and waited for everyone to nod their heads in agreement. I couldn't help but think that Nicole wasn't that bad. She had no clue what was going on between Edward and I, yet she stood up for me. As everyone got up and walked to the dance floor I decided that I might as well talk to Edward now about the kiss rather than later.

"Do you guys mind if I spoke to Edward alone for a second." Everyone's face held shock but Christian almost seemed hurt by the idea. I quickly leaned over and kissed his check. I could see Edward's jaw clench tight. "Its okay, I'll be fine." Christian sat there and starred into my eyes for a second until Gabby coughed. "Sorry," I said embarrassment on my face.

"It's okay, Christian come on, I really like this song." Gabby pulled Christian out of the VIP room and I watched as the headed to the middle of the dance floor. I must have lost track of time again because Edward spoke.

"So are we going to actually talk, or are you just going to sit there and stare at him all day long."

"You have no right to be jealous."

"Like hell I don't."

"Edward please lets not fight. I just wanted to talk about what happened in the woods." His head dipped in shame at my words. I guess we were feeling the same emotions.

"I am sorry Bella,"

"Don't call me that, please." I stared at him straight into his golden eyes.

"Fine, I am sorry Isabella; I should have been able to have better control."

"It is not all your fault."

He cut me off "Yes it is all my fault."

"No Edward it is not, if you didn't blame yourself for ever little thing we wouldn't be in this whole entire situation anyway. I wouldn't be with Christian and you wouldn't be with **her**." I used extra force on the word her, but instantly regretted it as it seemed she was just an innocent bystander. I couldn't help but become enraged when I saw a smug look across Edward's face. "What's that look for?"

"You're jealous." I could tell he almost wanted to burst out with laughter.

"I am not jealous Edward. I am concerned for her. You haven't obviously told her about our episode in the woods." All traces of happiness left his face.

"Well from your pretty boy's mind you haven't told him everything that happened today either."

"Does it really matter? We are going back to Oregon in a few days anyways. I will never see you again, not like I want to." I stood up and began to grab all of Gabby and mine's stuff.

Edward stood up and strode around to where I was standing. He placed a hand on my shoulder and slowly pushed me back down into my chair. He leaned in closer to me and pushed my hair away from his neck. As soon as I felt his cool breathe touching my skin, my breathing became ragged. "Don't you dare say you never want to see me again, because we both know it is a lie. We both know that we still care immensely for each other, so don't you lie to me Isabella Marie Swan." He lifted his head from my neck and walked back across the table and sat down. He looked directly into my eyes. I could feel myself being dazzled by him easily. "Now, you must come over to the house one day and see Esme and Carlisle, they have both missed you immensely." His infamous crooked grin played across his lips.

My mind was clouded; his very presence had put me in such a daze. As I was finally able to gather my thoughts and speak again I said the only the thing that came to mind. "We can't do this Edward this is wrong."

"We can't do what Isabella, I don't see us doing anything but having a nice friendly chat. Now should we go and join the others. I think that boy."

"Christian I interrupted."

"I think that **boy." **He put emphasis on the word, and I shot him a don't you dare look. "Fine, Christian is about to burst through the wall. He seems to think that I am hurting you in some type of way." He flashed me my favorite smile again. I nodded my head again, unable to speak, I was easily being dazzled again in his presence.

As we stood up and walked out to the dance floor I looked into Edward's eyes one more time, and he stared directly back into mine. I felt at that moment we made a secret agreement to each other, not knowing what it would hold, but the comfort of it was immense. I felt guilty for my actions but at the same time I couldn't help but feel elated that Edward still had feelings for me. _This is so wrong Isabella you are just going to get hurt again. _I pushed my thoughts out of my mind and ran over to Gabby feeling as if I had just won the lottery. Edward flashed me one last smile before he went and joined his family.

**A/N: Alright there it is Chapter 9 for all yalls. I hope you guys liked it because as I said above it was really difficult for me to write for some odd reason. Anyways you guys are probably bored with my rambling. Next chapter we are finally getting into the really big drama I have planned for the story. I am excited anger scenes are my specialty. Anyways review if you please. Peace. **


	10. Chap10: So what are you going to do now?

**A/N: Sorry it took me so long to update I don't know if it has been past four days or not but really, really sorry if it has been. I have been rather busy and I couldn't really get the chapter the way I wanted it until now. I hope you guys like it, because I think it is alright overall. Once again thanks to anyone who has reviewed or plans on reviewing at the end of this chapter. Anyways I am rambling again review if you please and enjoy reading. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon they both belong to the lovely Mrs. Stephenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 10:**

**So what are you going to do now?**

A huge smile was upon my face as I approached Gabby and Christian. They looked so content, so happy. _Do you really want to ruin this Isabella? _The truth of the matter was no I didn't want to ruin anything, I never tried to ruin anything, but it just always seemed to happen. I felt horrible, I felt guilty for having these feelings but there wasn't anything I could do to stop them. They were so strong so dominant in my heart that it was impossible to let them go. I could feel my smile slowly fading as my mind finally made up my decision; I was going to have to break it off with Christian. There wasn't another way around the situation. I didn't care if Edward wouldn't leave Nicole, I couldn't continue to lie to Christian, to lie to myself. _You will break up with him after you get back to Oregon; it is the only way Isabella. _I knew my mind was right, but I my heart began to ache, my breathing became ragged. _Did I truly care for Christian this much. _I closed my eyes and let Edward's face appear behind my eye lids, a smile quickly returning to my face.

I finally reached Gabby and Christian "Are you guys ready to go?"

"Yah, just let me get my stuff," She slipped off of the stool and began to walk towards the VIP room.

"I already got it," I said smiling. I slipped her jacket into her hand.

"Well I am just going to go get the car then," It was obvious that she was trying to slip away and give Christian and I some type of alone time, if you could consider standing at a bar in a club alone time.

I threw her the car keys from my jean pocket "Now don't crash it."

"I won't," she replied in a sharp tone "I don't crash cars."

"What ever you say Gabby," I began to laugh as a picture of Gabby's last driving incident came to mind. As I stood there laughing Christian grabbed my hand and pulled me into him, he kissed me passionately on the lips. "What was that for?"

"I don't know just had the urge to kiss you," he looked slightly hurt by my reaction. I leaned in and kissed him on the lips _this isn't right Isabella. **Oh shut up!**_

"What was that for?" he asked obviously stunned.

"I felt the urge to kiss you," his face beamed with a smile.

"So what did you and Edward talk about?" he attempted to ask casually.

"Nothing really, he invited us over to see Esme and Carlisle tomorrow morning."

"He invited us or he invited you?" He raised an eyebrow.

"He invited us," I replied firmly. I avoided his gaze knowing that he would be able to see through my lies.

"Well in that case, I guess we are going to go see them tomorrow."

"Sounds like a plan to me." I grabbed his hand and headed towards the exit. "We better hurry up and get outside I really don't want Gabby crashing the car."

"No that wouldn't be a good thing," He let go of my hand and wrapped his arm around my waist. I looked over my shoulder one last time at the Cullens and gave them a wave goodbye. I looked at Edward and saw his eyes had turned charcoal black; he looked at me before he turned to Nicole and kissed her passionately, the rest of the Cullen clans eyes raised in suspicion. I could feel the anger rising in me, but instead of expressing it I did the next to the best thing I kissed Christian on the lips again and continued walking out of the door. I swear when I heard it close behind me I heard his oh to familiar growl ringing in my ears. A smile quickly returned to my face as I thought about Edward being jealous, if he only knew that no one else could ever compete with him in my eyes.

Christian looked at me with a curious look on his face "What has gotten you so happy tonight?"

"Honestly, I don't know," I replied once again trying to avoid his gaze by searching the parking lot for Gabby. He let my answer slide for now and began to search the parking lot for Gabby too. He suddenly burst into an uncontrollable laughter "What is so funny," He tried to answer me but the laughs were to strong "Christian answer my question." I was beginning to get angry at the fact that I had no clue what was so funny, and then I saw her sitting behind the driver's seat attempting to get out of the parallel parking I had done before. The car was jerking forward and then jerking back suddenly. Her face was filled with anger and determination.

"You better get over there before she hurts someone else," Christian finally choked out threw all of his laughter.

"Yah I guess I should." As I was walking over the car human speed I notice Gabby had given up and began to beat her head on the steering wheel. "Gabby get in the back." I said as I began opening the driver's side door.

Her face had embarrassment written all over it "You didn't just see that did you."

"No clue what you are talking about my dear friend," I looked up as Christian got into the passenger's seat a small laugh escaped his lips and before I could even realize it Gabby was beating him over the head. "Gabby calm down and Christian stop laughing it is not funny," I began to scold them both. "Gosh I can't take you two any where can I?"

"Well you know he really shouldn't be laughing," Gabby replied, while pouting.

"Well maybe you should learn how to drive," Christian said while rearranging his hair.

I smiled at their bickering _so you are really willing to let it go, all of this, the things you love for someone who left you. _My mind was beginning to annoy me again. I pulled the car out of the parking spot while barely even paying attention. I looked in the review mirror and saw Gabby frown at the fact that I had accomplished pulling out of the parking spot so easily. IN a few short moments we were in the hotel parking lot and were striding into the hotel like we owned the place. I glanced over at Gabby and saw murmuring to herself about getting driving lessons when we got home, and Christian who was obviously listening to her ranting looked almost as if he was going to explode from trying to hold his laughter in once again. When we finally reached the hotel room Gabby said goodnight and headed for her adjoining room and Christian went to go watch sports center on ESPN. With nothing better to do with my time I walked over to the piano in the study part of the suite and sat down. It has been so long since I had played the piano I wondered if I could even remember how to play. My fingers brushed over the ivory keys and I sat down on the bench. I didn't even notice when my fingers started to play, but when they did the music sounded so sweet so pure, it too my breath away. It obviously was a beautiful sound because it caught Christian's attention.

He was standing behind me before I could even realize it. I ignored his presence and continued to pour my heart out into the song. "What song is that I have never heard of it before?" He asked while drawing small circles on my back and taking a seat next to me.

"I don't know, I just felt the music and felt the need to play it." _You are lying again Isabella. Is lying going to become part of your daily routine?_ I pushed my thoughts out of my mind and let the music take over my body. I had lied, I knew exactly what song it was and exactly who composed it. It was my lullaby; I could feel my resolve fading. I wanted to get up and run to Edward right now and tell him that I loved with every ounce of my being, but instead I just sat there and continued to play, it would suffice until I got to see him in the morning. Christian must have sensed that I wanted to be alone because I felt him leave my side and the TV. turn back on. I spent the rest of the night and early into the morning sitting there at the piano playing my lullaby, _our lullaby_. When I finally looked up at the clock it was already noon. I looked down and realized I had not moved since we came home last night. I walked out into the living room area to be greeted by Christian and Gabby avidly chatting away about where Gabby should take driving lesson and whether or not she trusted Christian enough to teach her.

"Hey stranger," Gabby said as she looked up at me.

"Hey," I looked away I really didn't feel like talking to them. "I am going take a shower and get dressed to go see Esme and Carlisle are you two coming?"

Christian spoke first "Actually Gabby and I talked about it last night, and we thought it would be best if you went there alone. We don't want things to be awkward with us there and we made plans for me to teach Gabby how to drive today."

"Oh," was the only reply I gave and I went into the bathroom and continued to get ready. It didn't bother me that Gabby and Christian decided to stay behind. Their reasoning was enough and truth be told the night before had been rather awkward with the Cullens all around. I took my shower and pulled my hair up into a tight ponytail and clipped back my bangs. I pulled on a black undershirt and threw my favorite white v-neck cashmere sweater on over top. The sweater came down to the top of my upper thighs. I put on a pair of dark denim skinny jeans and threw on some black ballet flats. I took one last look in the mirror and when I was satisfied with what I saw I walked back out into the living room. Gabby and Christian were finalizing details about their driving plans when I heard the door bell ring. We all looked at the door in surprise we didn't know anyone well enough in Seattle for them to be knocking on our hotel room door. I walked over to the door and was surprised to see Alice standing behind it.

"Isabella," she said as she flung herself at me.

"Alice what are you doing here?" I managed to choke out these words as she kept me in her death grip of a hug.

"Well I saw in my vision those two going off for driving lessons and you not wanting to walk all the way to Forks so I decided that I would come get you myself." Her face was glowing and I couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm.

"Well that is awful nice of you Alice, but you really shouldn't have."

"No worries Isabella are you ready or should I wait for you downstairs."

"No I am ready just hold on one moment." I went back inside the room and grabbed my coat and kissed Christian on the cheek "I'll see you two later." I turned to Gabby "Please don't go injuring the car or any humans in the process of your driving."

"Yes mother," she replied obviously frustrated with the fact that I didn't think she was going to be able to drive by the end of the day. As I closed the hotel door behind me Alice reached over and whispered into my ear

"I already saw them driving for the day, she doesn't kill anyone she actually does quite well." This easily put a smile on my face and I began to feel nervous in anticipation of seeing him.

"Alice you didn't bring anyone here with you did you."

"No Bella," I winced as she called me that. "And no I am not going to call you Isabella anymore. I only do it around your friends because if not they look as if they are going to murder me. Why does it matter if I did?"

"It doesn't really. I was just wondering." We made our way downstairs and Alice handed the valet her parking stub. Needless to say I was quite shocked when I saw her dark blue cayenne turbo S Porsche. "I didn't know you liked SUV'S I always thought you were more of a sports car type person."

"Bella do you not know anything about cars, it can get up to 169 MPH. I would never buy a car unless it could go fast." I slide into the passenger seat of the car. It was really nice I loved the interior. I mentally added it on to my must purchase list. Before I even knew what was happening Alice paid the valet and we were speeding away, away from the city, away from the bright lights, and towards Edward. I wanted to giggle in happiness but figured that it would be met with way to many questions.

"What have you guys been up to for the past 25 years?" I asked attempting to keep the conversation light.

"Well lets see here, we left Forks after you and Edward broke up and Edward went his separate way while we went to Alaska."

"Edward left you guys?" I asked my eyes full of curiosity _Edward would never leave his family. _

"Yes Edward left us, he was to sad he couldn't bear not being with you, and no matter how hard we tried to convince him you still cared," she shot me a look with her last few words "he refused to believe us. He was so miserable he nearly broke everything in the house. He would lock himself up in his room until finally he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't be happy, he couldn't be sad it almost like he was a machine and that is when he left us. He only came back about six years ago with Nicole and he has been relatively normal. She has made him some what happy again."

Her words hit me like at ton of bricks. Edward had been gone for 19 years because of me. I had caused Edward so much pain, so much heart ache. I didn't deserve him. Why would he ever want to be with me again, shame began to creep into my body. Alice didn't seem to notice my sudden mood shift and the car was filled with silence.

Alice eventually spoke again "I know about your kiss in the woods Bella and I know what was said in the VIP Room. I care for you dearly and I love you like a sister but don't do this to Edward. I try to look into the future to see you two together and it is still undecided. Don't suck him into loving you again and then leave, you two weren't the only ones hurt by your breakup," and with that she quickly slid out of the car. I sat there looking at my surroundings; we had already arrived at the Cullen Mansion. I wanted to run away, I didn't want to see his face. I could only imagine the pain that I had put everyone threw and yet they still were willing to see me. I stared down at the ground. "Bella come on you can't sit out here all day."

"Yah I guess I can't." I walked towards the house dreading the look on the faces that I had once hurt. As I walked up the stairs memories of Edward and I dating flashed through my mind. _I told you Isabella things will never be the same. Let him have what happiness he has. _I sighed and walked into the front door. The house looked exactly as it had all those years ago. I expected to see everyone sitting on the couch waiting for me, to greet me, or to shun me, but there was just one person, Edward. He sat there like a Greek god with his head held low and his face in his hands.

"Alice where is everyone?" but there was no response.

Instead Edward looked up at me his eyes holding some emotion I could not read. "Where is everyone Edward?"

"They aren't here."

"Why?"

"Because I asked them to leave." I could not tell at all where this conversation was heading.

"And why would you ask them to leave."

"So that we can finally talk, so that I can explain everything, so that you can explain everything." I walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. He grabbed my hand in his.

Shock registered on my face, but before I could even get another word out he leaned in and kissed me and I eagerly complied. I pushed him back on to the couch and began kissing him with such passion and lust. Edward was the only thing I wanted, thoughts of pain and Christian and Gabby were the furthest thing from my mind, and then it all happened so quick Edward was sitting on another sofa rubbing the bridge of his nose, I was glancing away out the window out of shame. "I am sorry Isabella." He began to pace the room. I stood up and grabbed his arm.

"Edward please sit down lets talk." I grabbed his hand in mine and led him to the sofa and we just sat there waiting for the other person to talk first.

Edward finally gave in and turned to me "Isabella Marie Swan I love you and always have and I will never stop."

"Edward Anthony Mason Cullen I love you and always have and I will never stop," and that is how we sat. Just staring at the wall let our thoughts consume us. _So what are you going to do now Isabella? _For once in my life I finally had an answer. I was going to be with Edward no matter what.

**A/N: Well that is chapter numero ten... Honestly sorry about the wait I have just been rather swamped with homework and taking care of the house. (My dad is in Afghanistan and my mom gets sick a lot). I hope you guys liked the chapter don't burn me to much. Review if you please. Peace**


	11. Chapter 11: Relationships are like glass

**A/N: So I had a complete idiot moment and had finished the first half of the chapter on another computer and thought I sent it to this one, so I deleted it from the other one.. Turns out I didn't send it to myself so I had to rewrite the whole entire beginning which sucked because my other beginning was awesome. Anyhow I love this quote below but the author was unknown so I can not give the person credit unfortunately. Anyways enjoy reading and review if you please. (Sorry for all grammer and spelling mistakes I tried to hurry this update)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon they are the property of Ms. Stephenie Meyer. **

**Quote**: **Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together**

**Chapter 11:**

I don't know how long Edward and I just sat there contemplating the pain and hurt we were about to inflict on people who we cared about. We must have been sitting there for hours before I heard Edward's family approach. I could tell he was trying to figure out what they were thinking. _Isabella you must do something, they are going to think you doing something wrong._ He got up and started pacing the living room floor.Edward's eyes locked with mine and mouthed to me "act mad". I tried to think of the thing that made me really angry and then it hit me. Flashes of Edward putting his arm around Nicole and him kissing her flooded my mind; the rage was building in my body now. I stood up and started pacing the floor with him walking back and fourth. I ran my hands through my hair as a nervous habit when I was stressed. I knew I looked a mess my hair was probably sticking up all over the place and I could feel strands falling down around my face. I continued to pace back and fourth my breathing becoming more ragged with every passing second.

"How could you ever think that we could be friends after you left me," I know longer was attempting to act mad, I was mad. I was more than mad I was livid.

Edward's face held surprise at how harsh my words and voice were. I must have struck a cord because before I knew it he was growling under his breath. "What do you mean after I left you, Bella you practically threw me out the door."

His words stung I knew he was right. I had ended the relationship _No you didn't he ended the relationship when he refused to change me. _"What did you want from Edward was I just suppose to sit there and turn old as you stayed young for forever? Is that what you wanted from me or maybe you didn't want to be with me at all and me breaking things off was just an easier way for you to leave." I could feel the non existing tears building in my eyes. His families' footsteps had completely stopped coming towards the house. They were probably scared of what they would find if they opened the door. My dry sobs were about to take over my body I couldn't take it anymore I couldn't be here. I had to leave no there was nothing else for me here. Being with Edward would cause so much pain, maybe our relationship was filled with to many holes to mend. As my mind began to think these things the aching in my chest returned with a vengeance. I wanted so badly to just scream out in pain, to just scream at the top of my lungs and tell Edward that he was truly all I ever wanted and more.

"I would have never left you, I would have stayed," His voice was getting quieter by the moment "I would have never left you," He stepped towards me and took his hands in mine. I was shocked his family was standing right outside the door "Bella I would have never left you." His voice was too sincere too concerned I couldn't take this. I wanted to be with Edward, I always had but I didn't want to hide it from anyone I didn't want to have to feel guilty every time he kissed me or held me close. I couldn't even stand to be around him, or be around myself. My guilt was too great what we were doing was wrong. I  
dropped my hands from him and turned around and walked towards the door. Before  
I could even open it Edward was standing in front of me. He mouthed to me "Please Bella don't go, please don't walk out that door."

I replied out loud not caring if his family heard. "Edward I have to, I don't know if I will be back." I wanted to come back my mind was screaming at me don't leave but I had things I had to do. I had to correct things with Christian and Gabby before I could even think about a future with Edward. I would wait until we got back to Oregon to tell him the truth. There was no reason for us to fight now and make me getting my things from the home even more awkward, plus I needed to talk to Gabby and see if she would be joining me.

He looked at me one last time and mouthed to me "Bella I love you so much." He put his head down in defeat and moved out of the way so I could open the door. I wanted so badly to just say I loved him and for him to hold me in his arms, but it couldn't happen now. This was not the right time. I took a deep breath and opened the door to see all the Cullens looking at me with puzzling looks on their faces. Nicole's face looked broken. I felt a twinge of guilt in pain. The aching in my chest hit me with a shock of pain, because of what I was putting his family through. I looked at them all one last time and took of running. I didn't care that I would have to run all the way back to Seattle, it actually was a good thing it would give me time to collect my thoughts, to plan my next move. As I started to approach the city I slowed down and decided to stop into a shop. I didn't want Christian or Gabby to think that I was to upset about anything. I needed to act normal until we got back to Oregon. Lucky for me I found a small shop with a mirror in it, just as I had predicted my hair was a mess and my eyes had purple splotches underneath. _I will have to go hunting soon. _I quickly pulled my hair out of the ponytail and let my long brown hair fall down and surround my face. I didn't even want to have to look at myself in the mirror so I left as much hair in my eyes as possible and pulled my hair back up. I figured it was getting late and I should head back to the hotel. I began my slow human walk towards the hotel.

I was trying to avoid the hotel as much as possible. I took the stairs up to our floor just so more time would pass and I would not have to stare at Christian's or Gabby's face for too long. I slid my key into the hotel room door slowly not wanting to see the faces behind it my breathing was becoming more ragged as the thought of breaking Christian's heart came into mind. Gabby and him were watching TV and laughing about their driving adventure today. I put on the happiest looking face I could and walked into the living room. _When you get back to Oregon you will tell him. _

"Hey do you guys think we could leave now?" I asked trying not to sound to desperate for their answer to be yes.

"Why? Did they do something to you, did something happen?" Christian was quickly at my side. I backed away from him slightly not wanting him to smell Edward's scent on my lips.

"No it is just that I am done here, there is nothing left for me and I just think it is better that we leave."

"I guess so I don't see why not. I'll go buy the plane tickets off." Christian's face held hurt, and curiosity as to why I backed away from him. He turned around and walked downstairs to the hotel lobby to arrange our travel arrangements.

"So why do you really want to leave Isabella, your tired of messing around with Edward." Her voice was higher than usually, anger was present in every word.

"I am not going to argue with you Gabby you couldn't possibly understand what I am going through right now." My voice was low and filled with guilt and remorse.

"You are right Isabella I have no clue what you are going through. You and Christian are great together and you just go through it out for nothing, for a stupid boy who wouldn't even change you when you wanted to be with him forever. Tell me Isabella what kind of true love was it that he wasn't even willing to have you at his side for forever."

Gabby's words were way to strong the raged raced inside of me. Before I even knew it she was pinned against the wall my face inches from hers. My breathing was ragged, snarls were forming under my breath. "Don't you dare ever say that about Edward, he wanted what was best for me, he wanted what was best for us."

"Oh I guess what was best for you two was for him to be around you every minute wanting to kill you and drain you of every ounce of blood." Gabby pushed me off of her and smoothed back down her shirt. "You don't deserve Christian, he is way too good for you. You are stupid Isabella if you think that Edward is ever going to take you back, you are stupid to through away what you and Christian have."

Her words were tearing at my insides. I knew what she was saying as true but I did not want to accept it. Edward would take me back wouldn't he?"

"You better tell Christian everything," Her finger was pointing at me as if she was scolding a young child.

"Don't worry I plan to," I turned and walked away, I turned around and decided I could never look at Gabby the same "Gabby out of all people I thought you would understand. I thought you would get that I was never over Edward. I wasn't any were close to over him when you basically threw Christian and me together."

"Don't you dare blame me for what you have done, as I remember I wasn't the girl who was just at her ex boyfriend's house shoving her tongue down his throat." Before I could even answer Gabby ran to her room and slammed the door shut.

I feel to the ground and began to dry sob. I would have to tell him without the support of my best friend. She obviously didn't approve of my behavior and the way I was treating Christian, but who could blame her. I stayed there in the middle of the floor just sitting there not caring if Christian saw me or not. I was lying in a fetal position hiding my face from view. I didn't even hear him come in, I didn't even hear him approach me, all I felt was his arms picking me up and carrying me over to our bed.

"Christian I am so sorry," I managed to stutter the words out through my dry sobs.

"Isabella you have nothing to be sorry about." He replied in his most soothing voice.

If he only knew what I had done, I felt my chest burst in agonizing pain as the thought of Christian disowning me came to mind. I cried out in pain, but it only made him grip me tighter and pull me closer into his arms. He sat me down on the bed and wrapped his arms around me giving me the comfort I so desperately needed, that I so desperately craved. _Why are you doing this? **For true love **_was the only answer I could come up with. Christian sat with me for the rest of the night never questioning what had put me in such a bad mood. His eyes were flashing from black with anger, he obviously thought the Cullens had done something to hurt me. As early morning passed I felt Christian leave my side. He took his shower, got dressed and started to head towards the door.

I jumped out of the bed and fled to the door "Where are you going?"

"To talk with Edward about why he had to put you in such a state," before I could even open my mouth he was gone. I stood there in the doorway and crumpled. This was going to be the day Christian found out and it wouldn't even be from me. My mind started racing I had to stop him. I called downstairs to get a car. _If you drive fast enough you might be able to catch him. _I heard Gabby approaching me.

"Isabella I am sorry," she replied her voice filled with shame.

"Gabby don't apologize you were right. It is all my fault and now Christian is heading over to the Cullens house." I could feel a breakdown coming on again.

Gabby's eye widen with horror. "I'll drive, you aren't in the shape to drive," with that we fled downstairs to the Mercedes I had rented, it was the same models as Christian except it was a midnight blue. Gabby hopped into the driver's seat as I sled into the passenger's seat. I barely had time to close my door before we were speeding off towards the Cullens house. I only hoped we would get there in time.

**A/N: I know this was a rather short chapter and all, but with the fact that I deleted the first half and I had to rewrite it I couldn't recall everything, plus I felt like I have been slacking a little bit with my updates. Well hoped you all like the chapter. Review if you please. Peace. **


	12. Chapter 12: Don't Try

**A/N: I know finally I am updating. I am ashamed to say that it has been at least five days since my last update … tear tear... Sorry you guys I have been really busy and have had a lot to deal with in a little bit of a week. I am currently working on another story with my friend. (I know I haven't finished this one and it will not affect my updates on this story at all. This story comes first.) Anyway I hope you guys like the chapter it is a bit shorter than usual, but I felt if I wrote more it would ruin what I had in store for next chapter. Enough with my ramblings. Review if you please and enjoy reading. **

**Chapter 12:**

**Don't try**

My skin felt icier and clammy. So many thoughts were going through my mind, I couldn't think straight. Gabby's driving was slowly starting to annoy me; she was barely even going eighty. I took another deep breath in attempt to calm myself.

"Gabby pull over."

"What? Why?"

"You are driving way to slow just pull over." Before I could blink we were already on the side of the road. I jumped out of the car vampire speed and ran around and slid into the driver's seat. The feel off the leather soothed my skin. I spun away fast and we weren't on the highway more than 2 seconds before we were pushing 130. Gabby looked over at me memorized at how fast and smooth I drove. I felt some sort of relief feel my body as we finally reached the Forks city limits. I pushed on the gas petal more pushing the car to its limits. To any human it might have seemed like we were going to fast, but to me it was too slow. There wasn't going to be enough time, he would find out, he would hate me, he would leave me. I pulled into the Cullens' driveway and to my horror Christian's car was already parked and empty. I dashed out of the car and headed towards the front door. I could hear screaming and yelling coming inside. A deafen roar reached my over sensitive ears. The trees rocked from the sheer volume of it. The door suddenly flew open and I was standing there with shock upon my face. Standing in front of me was Christian there were to many emotions on his face to even attempt to read them. Hurt, Sadness, Disappointment, but mostly just fury.

**A/N: As the fan fic author that I am I now feel the need to switch back to Edward's POV right after Bella left. Don't worry we will switch back to Bella's before the chapter is over. **

**Edwards POV: **

I moved out of her way in defeat. She wanted to leave, she needed to leave, and I shouldn't stand in her way. I tried to tune out my families thoughts but Nicole's were to strong. _Edward what was that all about? Should I be worried? _I didn't even bother answering her; I just turned around and ran upstairs to my room. I heard Alice following me, her thoughts getting snappier by the moment.

_Edward there is nothing you can do. Her mind is still not made up. You should really tell Nicole now; you are dragging her in to deep. You will end up hurting more than one person in the process. I love Nicole she has been like a sister to me over the past five years and I don't care how much you want to wallow in your own self pity you should tell her, she deserves to know. _

"Alice I know, I know," My voice sounded worn down and defeated. I honestly didn't know if I could stand loosing two people I loved in a matter of hours, nether the less Alice was right and Nicole did deserve to know. Alice sensed that our conversation was over and left my room, slamming the door quite loudly behind her. I could hear Nicole downstairs, she seemed to be in hysterics, I felt a twinge in the place where my heart use to be, but I felt so worn down that I just laid down on my couch and closed my eyes going into my trance like sleep. I stayed like this for hours and hummed Clair de Lune softly to myself. I heard my door open and shut quietly but I did not stir. I felt the weight of the couch go down as someone sat next to me. I inhaled to catch the scent of the person sitting next to me it was Nicole. I felt her weight shift as she lied down next to me and wrapped my steel arms around her body. We stayed like this for a little while, her mostly not wanting to disturbed my deep thoughts. I could hear a million and one questions passing through her mind.

_Who is Isabella? It is obvious she and Edward had a relationship together, but Edward won't cheat on me. He is too loyal. Stupid, stupid Nicole why would you ever think that of him. Edward loves you and you love him, nothing can change that. _There was a slight pause in her train of thoughts. _Right? Nothing can change that. _I felt a bit uncomfortable laying there with my arms around her as she began to doubt our love, my trust. But then maybe this is for the better, she should let go of me first. But would that really be the proper way to end things, with her in pure speculation never knowing the truth. No, I must tell her. I sighed as I finally made up my final decision. She felt the sudden shift in my mood and turned around to face me. Her green eyes were burning into mine.

"Edward what is bothering you?"

I inhaled deeply as I began to spill everything about Bella in me. I told her about Bella's first day at Forks till the time that she found me alone in the woods. As I finished telling her my story I looked back into her eyes. I tried to refrain my self from listening in on her thoughts, it was the most decent thing I could do for her.

She cleared her throat as if she was trying to hold back emotions. "Do you still love her?" Her words hung in the air as I let the silence surround us.

"Yes," I replied quietly, it was such a whisper that it was a strain for even vampire ears to pick up. She sat up abruptly next to me and took a deep breathe in attempt to remain calm.

"So have you lied to me all those times you have told me you loved me.?" Her voice was full of agony and pain.

"No of course not, I loved you Nicole, I still do it is just so intense when I am around her. I can't explain it, it is too hard." I put my head down in shame again and began to trace the embroidery on my couch.

"No, Edward you must explain. I have to understand to be able to let you go."

I paused for a moment collecting my thoughts. "When I am with her she completes me, and when I am not with her I can barely survive. When I first met you she had broken things off with me and I was barely able to live. I didn't even want to live. I wanted to kill myself; I wanted to end the misery and pain I was in. Nothing, not even the fiery depths of hell could feel as bad as I felt then. It was like I was trapped in my emotions and they refused to let me free. I slowly started to let things go when we met. I became as normal as possible, but even then, even now I can still feel the empty space in my chest were her and my love use to be. When she first came her to the house, I felt happier than I had ever felt before, but then I felt guilt for feeling as if I dishonored our love."

"So is that what I am to you Edward, just filler a way to get back to some type of normalcy." She paused collecting her thoughts again. I opened my mouth to speak but she put her hand to my mouth and closed it. "I loved you with all my heart, it is the only reason I dealt with the mood swings, the fact that you wouldn't even touch me the way that most couples do. I accepted you as damaged as you were because I thought deep down you would truly love me one day." She looked away from me and bit her bottom lip fighting back her emotions.

"Nicole you were never a filler. I really do love you, but what I feel for Bella is so much deeper." The room was silent. I listened for my families' thoughts to see if they were listening in to only discover they had left the house once again. The silence was frustrating and soothing all at the same time. I attempted to read Nicole's thoughts to only discover she was blocking me by counting floor tiles. I sighed in defeat and finally spoke first.

"What are you thinking?"

She was silent for a moment, thinking her answer over carefully again. "I wondering all those times I left you alone with her did you do anything with her?"

My body tensed. I was trying to avoid this point in the conversation, although I knew its presence was inevitable. "Yes, I kissed her." My voice held remorse and shame. Her actions were to fast before I knew it she had slapped me across the face. I just sat there a little surprised by her reaction. She stood there walking in front of me, pacing back and fourth running her hands through her reddish hair.

I tried again to pry into her thoughts to evaluate the situation. Her eyes flashed to me, turning coal black. Her stare was fierce and she froze in the middle of the floor. She crossed her arms and just stood in front of me. "How many times?" Her voice was sharp and had lost the slight edge of sadness it held earlier.

"Twice." I figured I should answer her questions honestly and get this out of the way. Things could always turn out worst if I lied.

"When?" She has resumed pacing the floor.

"Once in the woods when she first came and right before you guys got here today." Her eyes flickered to mine as another idea came to her mind.

"You didn't have sex with her did you?" Her question shocked me. Nicole had always been on the shy side and usually eagerly avoided the topic of sex all together.

"No," I replied looking down in shame again.

"Well at least you have some type of restraint." Her voice was cold and fierce. Silence engulfed us again, as I waited for her next question.

"Did you like it Edward, did you enjoy knowing that you were breaking my heart as you kissed her." Her voice was mocking and emotionless at the sametime. Her eyes turned back to her green color. Anguish and sadness were beginning to take over her.

"I had no intentions of breaking your heart Nicole." I decided it was probably in both of our best interests if I did not answer her first question.

She couldn't handle the situation anymore and crumpled in to a heap on my bedroom floor as her dry sobs over took her. I debated walking over and comforting her, and in the end decided that it was the least I could do. I picked her up off the floor and she fell into my chest beating me with her small fists. I pulled her hands down and pinned them to her sides. She looked up at me her eyes slipping back into the coal black color.

She grabbed her hands from me and turned her back to me "Just don't okay, don't try to comfort me, and don't try to make things better, there is nothing you can do now."

I felt a pain in my chest as I began to realize how much of a mess I had made. I was making Nicole feel what I felt like when Bella broke up with me, when we left Forks. I walked towards her and grabbed her arm to spin her around to face me. "Nicole please."

"Edward don't Nicole please me. You should have thought of these things before you decided to go and kiss the love of your life Edward," She was screaming at me letting all of her pent up emotions go. "Just let me go, just let me leave, it is obvious that we are meant to be with each other. Please Edward just let me go," she whispered and looked at the ground as she whispered the last part.

Then I heard a deaf defying roar, and my mind searched the rest of the house out and I heard him, Christian. _You kissed her. Oh my god Isabella cheated on me. _I cursed myself silently if I had only been listening to our surrounding betters I would have heard. I heard someone walking up the front steps and when I inhaled deeply I caught Bella's scent. She was here, she came back. I was so blissfully happy that she came back that I didn't know what to do. I ran downstairs to see Christian standing there his my mind in shambles, his eyes switching from golden, to black as his emotions were controlling him. He looked at me and his eyes turned to complete and utter darkness. He turned around and headed towards the front door and opened it so fast it almost came off its hinges, and there standing in the doorway was Bella. Her face held sadness and shock and the only words she uttered was "How could you Edward it was my secret to tell?" Christian brushed past her and sped towards his car. She didn't even stay to look at me, to tell me she loved me. She just ran after him, and in that moment I knew I had lost my Bella forever.

**Bella's POV**:

I ran after Christian, I couldn't let him leave like that; things couldn't be over that quickly. I easily caught up with him and grabbed his arm. "Please Christian just listen, please?"

"Isabella I have heard enough."

"Will you at least talk to me, or tell me where you are going?"

"I will be back in Oregon," He slipped his arm from my hand and put the keys in his car door. "I will talk to you when you get back I just really need to clear my head right now."

I stumbled a few feet back. So this was how it was going to be, he was just going to leave. I felt my chest explode and pain, and I quickly fell to the ground. I felt the dry sobs coming on in full force. It never hit me until that moment how much I had truly cared and depended on Christian. I felt Gabby's arms slip around me as she pulled me up and cradled me into her chest. She carried me back to the car and slipped me into the passenger seat. I just sat there my emotions were so strong it was hard to focus. I looked up at the mansion to see Edward standing in the door, his face was unreadable. I sighed as I began to think of how I ached to be with him, how I couldn't even control my self the least bit around him. I put my head down in shame when he caught me staring and messed with my seat belt. Gabby slipped into the driver's seat and began the engine of the car. We pulled out of the Cullens' driveway and I didn't dare to look back because the urge to run into Edward's strong arms was way to strong and the guilt for cheating on Christian hung relentlessly over my head.

**A/N: There yall are chapter number 12. I know it has been a little while since I updated and all and once again I am really sorry about that. Review if you please, don't burn me to bad. I will try to update a lot faster next time. **


	13. Chapter 13: Drowning

**A/N: I am back. : ) Happiness yah. Well lets see here this chapter took a little longer to write than I would like and half of this being the reason that I wrote it out by hand before I typed it. Can you believe I wrote ten pages of notebook paper front and back TEN whole pages? This is probably my longest chapter and most likely they will never be this long again. Anywhos enjoy reading and review if you please. **

**P.S. Sorry about bad Grammar I was in a rush to get the chapter out. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or New moon. **

**Chapter 13:**

**Drowning**

Everything was a blur. My mind struggled to remember bits and pieces. I sat up and realized I was sitting in the hotel room. I closed my eyes trying to get my mind to focus in on what had just occurred several hours earlier, but nothing came. I could hear Gabby in her room her voice was filled with frustration as she argued with someone about available plan tickets to Oregon. As the word passed through my mind my memory came back with a vengeance. Images of Christian eyes haunted me to the point where I had to open my own.

I had to get back to Oregon. I had to see him. I had to explain everything to him. I never meant to hurt anyone. I just couldn't control it. All those months as human, laying in my room trying to imagine what kissing Edward without restraints, thinking about Edward and my relationship in general was way to much too handle. I have always had little control over my emotions and impulses so should I really be that surprise.

I felt the weight of the bed shift and I was instantly jolted back into reality. Gabby sat on the opposite edge of the bed facing a window.

"I have arranged for us to go back to Oregon tomorrow morning." She didn't even look at me as she talked; she just continued to study the window.

The room was silent. What was my response to his suppose to be. I remained silent scared that if I opened my mouth to talk I would loose someone else I cared about. We just sat there, both of us watching the raindrops hitting the window seal making a light tapping noise.

Gabby sensed my hesitancy and spoke first. "You might want to pack now we have a red eye since you haven't hunted in a while I figured the less people the better." She turned to look at me with her last words. Her usual blue eyes were the normal topaz color.

I felt guilty. The only time Gabby couldn't sustain her power was when she is under a massive amount of stress. _Maybe I should leave just leave her. My presence is obviously causing her pain. **Are you joking Gabby is the only reason you are somewhat sane right now. **_I looked up at Gabby to see her staring at me with curiosity and guilt in her eyes.

_What did she have to feel guilty about? I was the one who fucked everything up. _

She looked away from me. "What Gabby?" I asked in a polite tone. My voice sounded unfamiliar to me, it was dry and had lost its usual smoothness.

She looked up at me again startled. "Well, it is just you have been lying there refusing to even notice my presence for the past two days."

My thoughts exploded into chaos. It had been two days since Christian left, since I last saw Edward standing upon his doorstep. No, how could this be, it had only felt like mere hours to me.

Gabby's voice became my main focus again as I was hit in the head with a pillow. I glanced over at Gabby who seemed content that she had my focus again. She picked up another pillow in her hand incase I got lost in my thoughts again.

"Now as I was saying. I was curious, shocked, and worried I was almost tempted to call Edward's father."

A small pain flickered in my chest and then surpisingly lust. I suddenly longed for Edward's lips crashing against mine, my arms to be wrapped around his neck pulling him closer to me. My mind was some where between reality and a fantasy land. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander further into this subconscious state.

Before I knew what was happening I opened my eyes to see that Gabby had left the room and I was lying down again. I got out of the bed but when I stood up I swayed a little. I was weak. For the first time since I was newly changed the thirst burned the back of my throat. I felt as if someone had lit a fire and the venom was my throat melting into liquid.

I tried to suppress the monster inside of me, but it was becoming a lost cause. My instincts were slowly beginning to take over, everything from my stance to my eyes changed. I took a glance in the mirror to find my reflection horrifying. I was in a crouched stance and my face was hard. My hair was down and flowed loosely around my face. I looked wild, untamed, but mostly I looked like a predator. I quickly looked away from the mirror, horrified at the monster I was becoming. I walked to the door like a feline. The walk was slow and graceful yet threatening all at the same time. I could hear the faint whispers of two people talking as I reached my room door. I pressed my ear against the cool wood to hear every spoken word.

"Can you just so do something? I don't know what to do. She goes in out of that sleep like state without warning. She hasn't hunted in over a week and I am scared to take her around humans. She would probably drain one if the scent crossed her nose right now." I identified this voice as Gabby's.

I couldn't help but feel as little insulted at the fact she thought I had such little self control. At that moment my thirst flamed up in my throat and I realized Gabby was right. I would be a bigger threat than normal to humans right now.

I put my ear against the door once more to hear and angelic voice answer back "Gabriela I can't," woah this must be an important situation no one ever calls Gabby Gabriela. "I really want to help her but I don't think my heart will let me."

The room grew silent and then I heard Gabby speak again. "Well can you at least get your father to look at her."

My heart new at that moment who the angel speaking on the other side of the door was, but my mind denied it. He wouldn't come it was evident that thing between us were over for forever. The though of him not being involved my existence was too much and I let out a muffled cry.

I heard the angel's voice grow pained. "I will send him over tonight. What time do you leave in the morning?"

"Two a.m," were the only words Gabby spoke.

"I have to go now. Keep her safe." I heard the door shut and Gabby approaching my room. I ran to the edge of my bed and sat down. Gabby opened the door and raised an eyebrow at me.

"So eavesdropper how much did you hear?" She asked as she went over to my closet and took out a pair of sweatpants and a sweater for me.

"I heard enough." My voice still sounded unfamiliar to me.

"Well then," she said while pushing the clothes into my hands. "I guess it is time we solved one your problems."

I looked at her inquisitively "And what problem will we be solving?" Now it was my turn to raise and eyebrow at her.

"The one where you want to kill every living thing that walks past you." I looked down and shame, but she didn't seem to notice. "Now get hurry up and get dressed before your thirst completely takes over you and we won't even be bale to walk to the valet."

I pointed to the door as a signal to her to get out so that I could change. My appearance didn't matter to me so I stripped off my old clothes threw my hair up in a messy bun, and put the sweater and sweatpants on. Unfortunately it didn't matter what clothes I was going to wear. People were going to stare at me constantly, whether I wanted them to or not.

I opened the door to see Gabby wearing a black pair of yoga pants and a lime green sweatshirt. "I haven't hunted in a little while either Isabella." She said while her mouth was filled with hair clips. She whipped her blonde hair into a ponytail and pinned back her bangs. She grabbed the keys off the side table and handed me and grabbed herself a pair of Nike running shoes.

"There all ready to go?" She looked up at me for confirmation and I shook my head up and down as a silent yes.

"Good." She pulled my hand and started leading me down the hallway. "Hold your breath Isabella and please don't attempt to test your boundaries. Stay close to me and do not let go of my hand, it doesn't matter what people think."

I nodded my head in agreement and couldn't help but feel like a child going somewhere with their mom in a place where the child could get lost or taken.

As the elevator doors opened the scent of blood filled my nostrils and I tightened at Gabby's side. She pulled my hand to move me forward but I didn't budge. The thirst was burning like it never had and I didn't know why I did it, was it to defy Gabby or out of habit but I inhaled deeply. Gabby's grip on me tightened as she heard me taking a deep breathe, the movements were to fast for the human eyes. I ripped my hands from hers and began to search the room for my prey. Before I could even move Gabby had me wrapped in her steel arms. I fought to get out but she was stronger than me. It was pathetic even as a vampire my strength was low.

"Hold on Isabella we will be out in the fresh air soon."

I looked up at her eyes to see that they were the darkest I had ever seen them. I realized what Gabby had said early, she needed to hunt to. I fought to suppress the monster and was met with a feeling of guilt. I could have easily ruined everything for us. She released me from her death grip when she felt I had regained some type of control and held onto my hand which such a force it would have easily shattered a human hand.

We picked up our pace through the lobby. _Why did it have to be so long? _The cold wind nipped at our faces as we walked outside. My thoughts slowly became my own and I allowed myself to think back to a few moments ago.

"I am sorry Gabby; it was so stupid of me to do." I looked at the ground. By the sound of my voice it was obvious I wasn't just apologizing from my actions in the lobby a few moments ago.

"Isabella, I know you re sorry," she turned to me her eyes showing the utmost care and convert "But you cannot continue to wallow in self pity. You made a mistake, we all make mistakes. I know who I believe is the better choice for you, but then again I am a bias's opinion. But it seems to me that your heart made the decision for you the moment we pulled into that driveway and you saw his face again. I looked away from Gabby searching for some type of response to her latest statement.

"Gabby I wish it was that easy. I wish I could just know what to do, but I can't. I feel so lost in this sea of emotions. It is like everyday I am slowly but surely drowning to death as they continue to weigh down on me."

Gabby began to pull me towards the sidewalk when I noticed the car parked there and the valet waiting for a tip. Gabby paid the valet and threw me the keys. "You know where to go."

I caught the keys easily and got in the driver's seat. I realized the car had the same exact interior as Christians. I put the keys in the ignition and the car came to life, its soft purr was comforting.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before Gabby spoke. "You know I will always be here for you Isabella. I know I can loose my temper and say thing I wish I didn't, but I will always be there."

I cut her off "Gabby I know you will. I just wish ..."

This time it was her turn to cut me off "Isabella you gave me hope and should me another way to live. That in its self keeps me and debt to you for all of my existence."

"Do you think Christian will ever want o talk to me again?"

She obviously wasn't expecting that question so she took a few moments to collect her thoughts. "I honestly don't know. I called him while you were in your comatose state hoping he could help you snap out of it, but all I could reach was his voicemail." She paused again probably trying to gather her thoughts. "Christian loved you Isabella and I don't know if in his eyes what you did was unforgivable or not."

I kept my eyes focused on the road and studied every single detail of the street to keep my mind from wandering. I pulled the car into a grocery store parking lot and go out. I tapped on Gabby's window as a signal for her to get out also.

"Why are we in a Stop N Shop parking lot?" She asked curiously as she got out of the car and fettled with her already perfect hair.

"Well, don't you think it would be a bit weird if someone came across a very expensive Mercedes sitting outside a forest in the middle of the night? The poor person would probably think they had stumbled upon a vehicle involved in some type of crime." I laughed at my strange sense of humor to only be reminded that my voice didn't sound anything like my own.

Gabby reached into the pocked of her sweatshirt and flipped me a small silver phone.

"We'll meet back her in two hours. If I do not hear from you Isabella I will think something happened to you and take drastic measures to find you."

I couldn't help but feel that the drastic measures she was talking about was a phone call to the Cullens.

"Do you understand?" she asked her voice was filled with authority.

"Yes, I completely and utterly understand. I am not a child Gabby." I threw the last part in, in hopes that Gabby would understand I didn't need anyone looking after me twenty four seven.

"I know you aren't a child, but you actions lately have been rather childish."

I couldn't compete with her words because she was right. I had been acting like a child. I felt the sudden urge to get away so I took off running and ran as deep into the forest as I possibly could. I smelled the overwhelming smell of dear, it smelled deliciously appetizing. I headed towards the direction my sense were directing me to. My anticipation made venom flow profusely in my mouth. I need blood. I wanted blood.

Two deer came into view. I could hear their hearts pacing, and the blood flowing freely through their veins and it only made the monster in me happier.

My movements were swift, before the animals even realized what was coming towards them, I snapped their necks. I sat on the ground in sunk my teeth in their necks. The red liquid I craved so much started to trickle down my throat. The burning that the thirst had caused was subsiding. I repeated the process with the second dear and then hid both of their dead bodies under a boulder. The thirst in my throat was mild so I found two rabbits.

After I was done I wondered around aimlessly. I was dreading meeting Gabby at the car for the simple fact that I would be brought back to reality. After a few moments I reluctantly got of a log I was sitting on and headed back towards the opening.

When I reached the parking lot Gabby was leaning against the car. Her hair was down and pulled back by a headband. She had changed her clothes too. She was wearing a loose pair of jeans and deep black short sleeved t-shirt.

"The point of having a cell phone is to answer when someone calls."

I reached into my pocket and took out the phone. The screen read 15 missed calls. Had I really been that oblivious to my surroundings? I didn't even hear the phone ring once.

"Sorry I didn't even realize you called."

"Sure," Gabby said skeptically. "You will have to change in the car if we plan on making our flight." She looked down at her watch. "We don't have time to go back to the hotel."

"What about our stuff?"

"I went back to the hotel and got it after I was done hunting. Now stop asking question and get changed I don't want to be late and have to dazzle us through security."

I quickly complied with Gabby's request and proceeded to get clothes out of the trunk of the car. I quickly scanned the parking lot to see if anyone was listening or watching me but there was no one there. I unbuttoned my jeans and began to pull them off when I realized I was drenched. _When did it rain? _I pulled the rest of my clothes off and replaced them with a dark pair of jeans, ugg boots, and a cream colored top. I ran my hand through my hair to discover it was soaking wet and a mess of tangle and curls. This was so weird I didn't even remember it raining or anything. I walked around the edge of the car to see Gabby standing in the exact same way she was before I left to change. I threw my clothes in the trunk and stood next to her.

"How long was I hunting?" My voice was still horrid.

"Five hours."

I was stunned. I had disappeared for five hours. It had only felt like an hour tops in the woods.

"Isabella I really am beginning to worry. Maybe we should go see Dr. Cullen." I winced at the use of his last name. "I mean you have been in such a weird state lately."

"No," my voice was forceful and authorities. "I cannot go back Gabby. I am fine please let's just go home."

Gabby didn't attempt to fight with me; she knew it would have a lost battle. She flipped her hair over her shoulder, let out a long sigh, and walked over to the passenger door. She paused before she got in. "You are so stubborn sometimes Isabella Marie Swan, it is almost to the point of stupidity." She climbed into the passenger seat and shut the door with a little more force than necessary.

I slid into the passenger seat and silence until we reached the airport parking lot. As we finally reached my car I ran my hands across the smooth surface of the hood. I couldn't believe how I missed the familiarity of it. The way the cool leather felt against my skin as I slide into the driver's seat. The sound of the perfect purr of the engine as I started it up, I inhaled deeply and Christian's lingering scent hit my nose. Had it only been a week since he had next to me, holding my hand and us laughing as though there wasn't a problem in the world.

The car ride on the way home was still plagued with silence. I had so many things I wanted to say or try to explain but every time I went to open my mouth only silence passed through my lips. As we reached the driveway there wasn't a word in any language to explain how I felt. There Christian was sitting on my front porch steps waiting for my return. _Doesn't this mean he still cares? Don't get your hopes up Isabella. _He looked worn and beaten. His clothes were ripped and covered in grass and dirt stains. His hair was a complete and total disheveled mess. He looked like hell yet he never looked more appealing.

Gabby's eyes were wide with shock as were mine, it was becoming harder to breath. I couldn't look away from the steps thinking he would disappear if I allowed my self to.

I felt Gabby nudge me in the side and I slowly opened the door and climbed out of the car, never letting my eyes leave him the whole time. I began to slowly walk towards him and sat down next to him when I reached the steps

He sighed and looked over at me "Isabella we need to talk."

**A/N: What did yah think? Longest chapter ever as I said earlier. My wrist hurt after typing out all this lol. Anyways I hope you guys liked it review if you please. Thanks again for all the reviews I would just like to comment on how I am past 100 WOOO HOOOOO WOO HOOO (dancing in computer chair) Thanks again you guys. Peace. **


	14. Chapter 14: Forgiveness

**A/N: This chapter isn't that long, but overall I say it is a very important chapter to the story. I hope you guys enjoy it, it has been rather difficult for me to focus on one thing with the simple fact that I have been writing my term paper and am currently working on planning another fan fic that I will post, and then another fan fic with my friend. I can tell you guys that the one with my friend will be out soon, however the one I am working on by myself well that might take a little while. If you would like to read the first chapter of it before I post it just PM and I will send it to you as soon as I can. Anyway really long authors note enjoy reading and Review if you please. SORRY FOR SPELLING AND GRAMMER MISTAKES OR WORD CHOICE MISTAKES. I AM SICK AND REALLY TIRED SO I DID MY BEST. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or New Moon unfortunately. **

**Chapter 14:**

**Forgiveness**

My breathing was becoming more ragged because of the simple fact he spoke words to me.

"Christian there is so much I need to explain, there is so much I need to tell you."

He raised a finger to my mouth to silence me. "It was foolish and childish of me to leave you in the driveway like I did, but there was just so many emotions pumping through my veins." He took his eyes away from me and starred up at the sky. "Would it be prudent of me to ask if what I heard was true?"

I sat there silent not exactly sure what to say.

"I guess you silence gives me the answer," his voice sounded pained. "I guess I knew that day when you came back from the woods with his scent all over you that it was over, but I refused to believe. I refused to believe that you would betray what you and I had." It did not escape my notice that he had used the word had. "I should have known from the beginning that your love for me wasn't as strong as my love for you." His head dropped to his hands as he struggled for words.

"Christian I am so sorry and I regret what I have so much. I only wish I could take this all back, to take back all the heartbreak and pain I have caused to the people I love."

"Isabella love makes even the smartest people act dumb sometimes. You don't know how angry I when I heard that girl talking to him," he added extra force to the word him. "I just wanted to hit something one moment and then the next moment I was overwhelmed with sadness. I have never felt such conflicting emotions in my life. Even now, as I sit next to you, one moment I am mad and want, no need some type of explanation from you, but then the other side of me completely understand why you did what you did. I mean if you feel for him what I feel for you than what right do I have to keep you two apart."

Christian picked his head up out of his hands and looked over at me. His eyes looked as if there searching for something.

"I just need to know two things Isabella."

I nodded my head as a signal for him to go on.

"Did you ever love me? Did I ever even stand a chance?" His head dropped down as his voice was overwhelmed with anguish and grief.

I kneeled down in front on the step below him and slowly lifted his head up to look me straight in the eyes. The electrical current that I once felt when I touched Christian's skin seemed to have faded. All I could feel was his smooth cold face between my hands. "Christian I have always loved you and I always will. You have helped my so much and brought me out of the darkness that use to be my life, but what I have with Edward is different. I can't even explain the way he makes me feel. I truly wish I could have given my whole heart to you but it was already too late. To answer your second question, honestly no you never stood a chance. My heart was given away the moment I saw Edward, and the day he left he took it with him and he has refused to give it back."

Christian grabbed my hand that was touching his cheek and kissed it. We both stood up and I leaned again the banister to the porch. He leaned into me and grabbed my face in his hands and pressed my lips against his. The kiss held so many raw emotions; I felt sorrow, lust, love, anger, and hate. He broke away from me with my face still in his hands.

"Isabella Maries Swan I have loved you and always will and if he makes you happy then there is nothing else I can do."

Before I could even register what he was doing he was gone. I slid to the ground and whispered hoping he would hear "Christian I really do you love you. Can you ever forgive me?"

His answer was faint as if it was being carried by the wind. Is voice sounded broken and torn "Isabella I have already forgiven you," and with that he was gone.

How could he have forgiven me after what I had done? Even if it was just a kiss I had betrayed him. I had broken the unspoken vows of being in a relationship.

I felt Gabby's arms slide around my waist as she helped me up. This was becoming too much of a familiar routine. She carried me into the house and laid me down on the cough. She rested my head on her lap and ran her fingers through my hair.

I laid there for hours tearlessly crying, before she finally spoke. "Isabella it really was for the best. You belong with Edward."

"Was it really better Gabby? Should I be running back to the man who refused eternity with me?"

"Yes, Isabella it is. I know you don't see it now or you might never see it but you are everything in Edward's eyes. He has been through as much pain as you have. It is time you two stop playing these childish games and realize that you belong together for eternity.

In my heart I knew Gabby's words were right. Edward and I did belong together, and if I have to wait for him to figure that out then I will be patiently waiting.

I sat up from Gabby's lap and I realized what tomorrow was, Monday. School was the last ting I wanted to par take in.

"Gabby you do know what tomorrow is? Don't you?" I asked sullenly.

"It is Monday," it took a few minutes for her mint to register "OH no not school." She dropped her head in disappointment.

"You know Isabella we could just stop going to school again and get back to traveling the world."

Although the thought did seem rather appealing given my recent lapse in judgment when it came to my diet I decided against it.

"Gabby let's just finish out this year and then we can go back to how thins were before." My plan was a compromise but she didn't seem to care.

"Fine, This year and then we are off jet-setting."

While Gabby mentally calculated how much time we would have to spend working before we could travel. I ran upstairs to take a long bath. I felt rather dirty, I knew there was no chance I actually smelled bad, but I felt the need to rinse myself of recent events.

I turned the water on the highest temperature and waited until the steam claimed the room to add a cap full of my favorite bubble bath. The smell of freshly picked flowers filled the room as the bubble bath exploding into millions of tiny bubbles.

I slowly took of my clothes and lowered my body into the steaming tub of water and bubbles. When I felt the temperature was right I took a deep breathe and submerged myself underwater. The feeling of not breathing was slightly uncomfortable but I didn't care. I need to clear my mind. The movement of my arms and legs stirred the water and caused strands of my brown hair to float weightless around my face. My thoughts turned to Christian and I wondered if he would continue school or leave Oregon to completely avoid seeing me. I would not be mad if he left, I had no right to be. I myself wouldn't be able to sit there while the person I loved no longer loved me back, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks. My mind was racing with thoughts. I finally understood why Edward had left after our break up. I understood why he didn't come after me now. He didn't think I loved him and he couldn't stand to see me if he could not be with me.

The pain ripped through my chest viscously at the thoughts of Edward thinking, or doubting my love for him. I had to go. I had to see him; I had to let him know that he is the only thing that truly matters to me in this existence I call life.

I jumped out of the bathroom and grabbed all the necessary clothing items and put them on. My hair was wet and plastered to my face and drips of water dripped onto my sweatshirt and jeans, but I didn't care, I needed to see him. I flew down the stairs and was trying to put a sneaker on so fast I almost feel over.

Gabby came into the room starting at me strangely "What are you doing?"

"I …am…," my breathing was heavy and erratic "going….to… find Edward." I said the last few words in a rush.

"Oh," she seemed shock. "Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I have to do this alone."

"I figured as much. I'll call and make your flight reservations now."

"Thanks," I muttered breathlessly. I walked over to Gabby after I finally managed to calm down a little bit and put my other shoe on and hugged her. "Honestly Gabby thank you, you have done o much for me."

"Isabella there is no need to thank me. I was just being there as a friend," she paused for a moment "no as a sister would be."

She smiled and I let her out of the embrace. "I will be back soon."

"You better be who is going to be here to help me fiend off all the male humans."

I laughed and pulled her into another hug. I almost wanted to thank her again, but was stopped when Gabby placed my keys in my hand and pushed me out the door.

I ran to my car faster than I thought was possible for me and fired the engine alive. I looked back at the house through my review mirror and saw Gabby casually leaning against the door frame a huge smile plastered on her face and I couldn't help but laugh. My laughter was loud and ran like bells throughout the car. She knew she knew all along that they were there, that I would see them and would fall in love with Edward again. I was laughing so hard it was amazing I was able to keep the car from crashing. Before I knew it I was in the airport and true to her word Gabby had gotten me a seat on the next flight.

My body was racked with nerves. I felt something vibrate in my pocket and I jumped a little, receiving a few stares. I reached into my jeans and pulled out the cell phone Gabby had give me the day before. I flipped it open and casually greeted the unknown person with a "Hello."

"Well this is great you sound like yourself again." Gabby answered cheerfully from the other end of the phone. A smile crept across my face as I realized she was right my voice had returned to its normal state. I must have looked insane to these people, my hair was still wet and strands were plastered of my face, my clothes were soaked yet here I here I sat with a huge grin on my face.

"Gabby?"

"Yes, Isabella."

"You knew they were going to be in Forks didn't you?"

There was silence on the other end of the phone. "Honestly Isabella, I did, but I never had any intentions of Christian getting hurt the way he did. I thought you would casually break things off." Her voice sounded shamed.

"Well it is my turn to be honest Gabby. Thank you so much. I don't know how you did or how you know, but than you. You made me realize how much Edward truly means to me and loves me."

I heard the loudest giggle on the phone by a wave of awwss. A woman came over the P.A. system announcing that they were boarding first class passengers. "Gabby I have to go my plane is boarding."

"I know Bella I heard. You have fun now, b ye." I heard the phone click as she hung up and I put the small silver phone back into my pocket. My walk was light and bouncy as I made my way toward the boarding gate and then a thought crossed my mind. She called me Bella and I didn't correct her. I honestly did not feel the need to correct her because the lifeless Isabella was gone and I was slowly but surely starting to fee like Bella Swan again.

**A/N: Shorter chapter yes I know. Well there we go. I am thinking next chapter might have a little bit of Edward POV in it seeing as how I haven't done that in a little while. I would say there is probably five chapters maybe six tops left in the story. Possibly even lower numbers then that I am not quite sure yet. I hope to update again soon most likely before next Monday because I will be leaving for North Carolina then for a week. So thanks again you guys for reading hope you liked it and review if you please. Peace. **


	15. Chapter 15: The Right Choice

**A/N: Hello dearest readers. I know it has been a rather long time since I have updated and I can only say it is because well I am what most people would call an awesome procrastinator. I really don't like this chapter, in fact if it hadn't been so long since I updated, I probably wouldn't post it and completely rewrite it, but after some convincing from xxpiratesxx, I decided posting was probably the best idea. So without further a due here is chapter 15 hope you guys like it. Enjoy reading and review if you please. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or New Moon. **

**Chapter 15:**

**The Right Choice**

Adrenaline was rushing through my veins. Was I really on a plane back to Forks to tell Edward that I loved him deeply and would always be waiting for him. I ran my hand through my hair, still amazed that it no longer puffed up when it dried naturally, instead it feel flat against my face like a curtain of silk.

I began to impatiently tap my foot on the ground at the slow speed the plane was traveling. I heard the women next to me lean over to a man who looked like her husband and give him a small kiss on the cheek.

A grin spread across my face as I realized in a few hours I would be able to kiss Edward on the cheek like that. I closed my eyes and went into my trance like sleep. Hours had passed, but they only feel lime minutes. I heard the stewardess come over the intercom and tell everyone we were now landing in Sea-Tac airport.

I jumped from my seat so fast I was scared someone noticed the movement was inhuman. I scanned first class and made sure no one saw me and proceeded to be the second person off the plan. As I walked down the terminal I had to constantly remind myself to walk a slower pace.

As I reached the exit doors I had a moment of panic until I saw a charcoal gray Audi just like mine. I saw a man holding a sign saying Isabella swan. I walked over to him to discover gabby had been brilliant enough to cover all of the bases. I slipped the man a hundred dollar tip at first but because of my light mood I decided another hundred was in order. He starred at me like I was insane, and when the complete and utter shock left his face he began to thank me profusely.

I happily slid into the driver's seat of the familiar car and I sped out of the parking lot easily. I rolled down the window and put up the sun roof so the wind could whip through my hair. I was smiling, laughing, and happy and most importantly I was on my way to see Edward.

**Edwards POV:**

I stood there helplessly and watched as her friend picked her up from the driveway. She sent me a half hearted smile and her thoughts reached my mind. Edward don't worry she will come back, she loves you don't ever forget that. She put Bella into the passenger's seat and pulled out of the driveway.

Bella glanced at me one last time and I couldn't help but hope that she would return to my arms soon. I was quickly pulled out of my thoughtful reverie when I heard my families' thoughts fast approaching. They looked as if they had been hiding in the woods, knowing them they probably had been.

I heard a crash from inside the house and out of the corner of my eyes I saw Alice elbow Emmett in the ribs, who seemed to be choking on his own laughter. I tried to pry into their thoughts to see if they had any insight or helpful thoughts about the situation only to reach everyone thinking something lustful about their respective partners.

"Thanks," I muttered sarcastically.

"Your welcome, Alice answered with unneeded enthusiasm.

They all walked past me except for Alice. She leaned in close to me and reached up on her tip toes and motioned me closer to her so she could whisper in my ear. "You did the right thing Edward. You wait and see."

I leaned back up and resumed my stance against the door frame. I heard another large crash and decided that was probably a signal for me to go upstairs and resume my conversation with Nicole. There was not a doubt in my mind that everyone in my family would be listening to every little detail.

As I made my way up the stairs I swore I could hear Emmett and Rosalie snickering. I finally reached my room and slowly opened my door. The damage wasn't near as bad as I had expected. My C.d. player had been smashed to pieces and my couch was torn in half, my clothes were strewn across the floor and Nicole's part of the closet was missing the door. She sat quietly on the bed her luggage packed and sitting next to her. She was starting out the window, her thoughts were jumbled and thoughts of seeking revenge on me by burning my C.D.s came up, but were instantly suppressed.

"Nicole?" My voice snapped her from her thoughts.

"Edward." Her voice was guarded and well controlled. "It is obvious to both of us that we are over, so I have already made arrangements for me to go live with Denali clan for a little while."

"I really am sorry."

"Stop saying you are sorry, it isn't making the pain go away, it isn't making the images of you and her leave my mind." She paused and took a breathe to calm herself. "Just stop. I don't need, I don't want anymore of your pity. I just need you to leave me alone. It is like every sentence you speak tears my heart open more. So please just stop saying your sorry."

I was shocked at her words but understood the meanings behind them. "When are you leaving?"

"Now, I just wanted to say goodbye." She grabbed a stack of envelopes and pressed them into my hands. "I knew I would leave eventually. Give these to your family."

She reached up and gave me one last kiss on the cheek. "Goodbye Edward."

She picked up her suitcases and gently closed the door behind her. I heard her BMW start in the driveway and I could have sworn I heard her crying as she pulled away from the house.

I couldn't help by feel guilty, but this is what I had wanted right? I needed to be alone so that I could be with Bella.

I picked up my room and threw the things that were destroyed in the garbage. I spent the next two days cleaning my room and listening to music. My family worried that I had slipped into another depression but that wasn't the reason. I felt ashamed and didn't want them to see my face. I hadn't even been able to look at myself in the mirror out of guilt so why should they have to stare at me.

**Bella Pov:**

I drummed my fingers aimlessly against the steering wheel. I wondered if Nicole was still going to be there. I did owe her an apology but the guilt and shame of my actions were there and I honestly didn't know if I could face her.

As the road continued to float underneath the car, the trees racing by, my mind wondered to Edward's family. Would they take me back after all these years? Would all of them know why Nicole had left their family so abruptly, or worst What if they liked her more than the liked me? No doubt Rosalie had. I shuddered at the thought of an angry Rosalie. I had now hurt two people who were like brother and sister to her.

Butterflies spread throughout my body. I lifted one hand off the steering wheel and let it run through my hair nervously. I had been so full of confidence early why am I so nervous now. I fiddled with the radio in attempt to push away my thoughts with music.

The music on the radio was awful and I began to wish I had not been in such a rush and bought some C.D.s with me. As I was silently and verbally scolding myself for not bringing anything with me I passed the you are now Entering Forks sign, _which was quickly followed with a _Forks Welcomes You sign. I inhaled deeply as I realized my desiccation was approaching quickly. I crossed over the bride and the familiar turn off in their driveway soon approached

As I pulled into the driveway and shut off my car I couldn't help buy question if I should be here right now. I shook my head and sighed. Why couldn't I have gotten rid of all these nervous glitches back at the airport?

I slowly opened the car door and slide out of the driver's seat. I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. I once again started to mess with my hair and attempted to smooth out non visible wrinkles in my shirt. I bit into my bottom lip and decided it was now or never.

I walked painstakingly slow and anxiously towards the front door. As I rose my hand to knock the door flew open and I was pulled into the house by my arm that was still in the air waiting to make contact with the hard wood of the door. I was being squished by hugs from Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Carlisle and Esme.

Alice grabbed me by the shoulders her arms out stretched and looked me in my eyes "Bella I knew you would come back. I knew that you still loved Edward." I was pulled into another ferocious embrace before I felt Emmett prying me from Alice and pushing me up the stairs.

"He is in his room." I heard him call up as I started to climb the stairs. My hands clenched and unclenched as I finally reached the third floor. His door seemed larger and scarier then ever before. I could hear Clair de Lune playing loudly before the music shifted to my lullaby. I was so happy at that moment that tears would have streaming down my face if they could. I raised my slightly shaking hand and knocked on the door softly.

I was met with a rather grumpy "What?"

It took me a few moments to find my voice, "Edward it's me." My voice sounded little and small.

The door opened abruptly to show a rather disheveled looking Edward. "Bella?"

"The one and only." I joked trying to make the atmosphere lighter. His hand reached out and traveled my jaw with his fingers. We just stood there like that for a moment Edward tracing over my face and me trying to focus on my breathing and keeping my emotions under control.

**A/N: Alright so that was chapter 15. Short yes I know, awful yes I know. I wish it could have been better, but you know my creativeness it at an all time low right about now. I am writing three stories and choreographing a whole entire drama production not to mention the tons of English papers my evil English teacher has decided to give us. Anyways I wanted to know do you guys want a play list for the story. There probably are only two or three chapters left and I was just wondering if anyone would like one because, well each chapter has been inspired by some song. Also that was the last time I am writing in Edwards POV for this story. From now on it will only be Miss Bella. Anyways review if you please and I hope you enjoyed. Peace. **


	16. Chapter 16: Information

Hello my loyal readers, I know half of you want to shoot me right now for this not being an update but I have good news. I am finally happy and in a good mood which means I can finally write the chapter. I was all depressed which is why _I couldn't let _go was updated and this story wasn't. If you are all wondering what my exicting news is I am just way to happy to keep it from people. My dad, who is currently over in the war, is coming home at the end of April instead of the end of May. I know you guys are like one month big deal, well let me tell you it is a huge deal, the sooner he is home the less I have to worry about him, I will be able to focus more. Anyways better mood, I will have the chapter out probably early tomorrow morning or late tonight which ever one you want to call it. When I say early I am talking three o'clock in the morning early. I do my best writing when I am hardly coherent and tired, strange? I think so. Anyways check back tomorrow morning and this pesky author's note will be replaced with a chapter. P.S. with all my major studying I got an A on my English Final. :) I love good grades. Oh yah if you haven't listened to Blue October, go listen to them people awesome music. 

Sincerely yours,

Sasha, Foreverinlove17.


	17. Chapter 17: Wordless Content

**A/N: This is the last chapter. I decided that while I was typing there is nothing else left for me to say. I have said what I intended to say and if I drug this out any longer it would have been annoying. There is not a lot of dialogue just writing. I also advice you to pleas listen to Bring me Flowers by Hope while reading this, the song completely and utterly inspired everything. If you don't want to buy the song just go to my myspace it is my song. If it won't let you visit me then just ask to be my friend with a message that says Fan Fic so I know. Please listen to the song at least once. Thank you guys so much for all your support. I appreciate it so greatly. I never expected my first fan fic to do so well. Anyways enjoy reading and review if you please. **

**Disclaimer: As I have said for the whole story I do not own Twilight or New Moon all characters belong to Stepehenie Meyer. **

**Chapter 16:**

**Wordless Content**

The world seemed to stop, with Edward's hands on my face. We were here together in the same room. I had spent days at a time trying to day dream this moment, trying to remember how his touch felt against my skin.

Things didn't seem real; I had to continuously blink my eyes because I could have sworn that this was god's way of playing revenge on me. To make me imagine Edward being here, to make me imagine the electric, sensation my face was having under his cool touch. The moment was all to perfect, us just standing in his doorway slowing our breathing to match each others. There wasn't one thing that could possibly ruin this moment. The house could have caught on fire, and I don't think it would have made Edward or I move.

We were happy, content with just being in each other's presence. I don't know why we didn't speak. Just standing next to him was enough. His golden eyes were piercing through mine, as if they were reading my heart and soul. I saw the love in his eyes, the devotion that he had to me. I felt the same emotions as him. I tried to open my mouth to voice this out loud and Edward slowly reached one of his pale fingers up to my lips and pressed them back together.

I felt my eyes close as he gently glided his hands over my lips. He didn't want to talk; he didn't want to ruin the moment. I didn't want to talk anymore. I understood what he needed. I understood that he needed to make sure the situation was real, just as I had. I raised my hands to his and pushed his hands against my face more firmly. I wanted to him to know that I was here, that I was not part of his imagination. I wanted him to know that I had come back for him. I wanted him to know that I was deeply in love with him.

I felt the animal blood in my veins quicken as my hands continued to lie against Edward's. Perfection, Lucky, Love, Devotion were the only words that continuously ran through my mind. All other thoughts seemed trivial and irrelevant. All other events leading up to this point no longer held any amount of importance. I loved Edward and Edward loved me and that was all I needed to know.

Edward slowly took his hands off my face, for only a second and I instantly missed his touch. I longed to have some type of contact with his body. He seemed to have sensed the same type of anxiety as mine because he laced his fingers with mine. I began to absently mindedly draw small circles on the back of his hand out of habit. A smile played across his face and he led me closer into his room. I heard the door shut and lock behind us and Edward turned me around and continued to lead me to the leather couch we had spent so many afternoons on when I was human.

I slowly ran my hands over the cool leather surprised that I hadn't felt the details in the couch that I felt now when I was human. As my hands slid on the armrest I could practically remember all the days lying on the couch cuddled into Edward's arms and hoping, and dreaming that one day I could be his equal. I could remember the rumbling feeling in his chest when he held my body close to his and was attempting to control his laughter. I could feel his breathe on the back of my neck as we would lie there and talk for hours upon hours. I looked up in Edward's eyes to see them staring at me in amusement, and slight frustration. He probably wanted to know what I was thinking.

"Memories," was the only word I uttered. He smiled, happy and content with my answer. He released my hand and sat down on the couch and raised his hand back up for me to take it and sit down next to him. It was like he was inviting me to stay; he wanted to see if I was leaving, if I was running away again. I grabbed his hand in mine and could instantly fill the electricity race through our palms. I sat down next to him and gently laid my head against his shoulder. I grabbed his hand and brought it up to the spot where my heart belonged.

"Edward," I paused for a moment and looked at our intertwined hands. I flattened his hand against my chest. "Edward. I know you can't hear it, I know it isn't beating anymore, but my heart has never felt so alive."

I felt him kiss the top of my head. Words couldn't describe the situation we were in. There were so many questions, so many that truly needed answers for us to move on together, yet we were happy. I squeezed Edward's hand and pulled it against my chest tighter. I didn't want to let go, I never wanted him to leave again. I had been stupid before, I had learned from my mistakes. We had been separated for to long. We belonged together; I need him as much or more than he needed me. Edward's free hand traveled up to my face and gently tucked a piece of my hair behind my ears, just like his use to do in high school. His finger tips slowly found their way to my chin and he lifted my face ever so slightly. He looked into my eyes with such intense passion I couldn't believe that all the passion they held was intended for me. He slowly brought his head down to mine and put our foreheads together. His breathe was tickling my noise as he slowly breathed in and out. He leaned in ever so gently and kissed me on the lips. The kiss was not filled with lust but filled with passion and lost.

Our lips parted and he rested his forehead against mine again. "Bella," his voice was a whisper and tickled my face as he talked. "I love you. I love you more than anything I have ever loved before. I thought I knew what love was before from my family members, but this, what we have can not compare. It was like one day I was sitting there and something exploded in me. I could no longer do anything but think of you. I thought I knew love, but the truth is I didn't have a clue until I met you."

I could feel the dry sobs in my body build up. They weren't tears of sadness but tears of happiness. I was happy that Edward was so willing to take me back. "I love you too." I closed the distance between us and kissed him on the bridge of his nose. "I love you Edward. I love you and I am nothing without you."

Edward slowly laid down on the couch and I laid down next to him and he pulled me closer into his chest. The memories of early come back more vibrantly. Edward's breathe tickled the back of my neck and his cool arms were wrapped around my chest. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply just to smell his scent. Everything was perfect. Before I closed my eyes to go into my trance I said the only words that had repeatedly been going through my mind. "I love you Edward Cullen."

"I love you Isabella Swan." I closed my eyes as I could hear Edward softly humming my lullaby in my ear.

**A/N: I know it was short but it just fit to me. If anyone has any questions please PM me, myspace me, e-mail me, or just ask in the review. I reply to all reviews that have been signed so I will give you answer. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this. There may be a few extras to go along with it. Please go read my other story Couldn't let go. Thanks a lot you guys seriously you guys are awesome. Thanks to Donyel who reviewed after every single chapter and always there if I needed someone to talk to our bounce ideas off. Ridiculouskopec thanks for always reviewing for me you have been a huge support. GoodyGoody23 thanks for all the reviews seriously they really do mean a lot. Also thanks to wolf.gren, Fallenangel5439, 1stepbehind29. You guys are all my lost loyal reviewers do don't let me down and review one last time. Peace you guys look out for other stories. **


	18. Chapter 18: Information 2

Hello my loyal readers. I am very happy to know that you all love the story so much, but you guys didn't pay attention to my last authors note. Wordless Content was the last chapter of Forgiveness. I am still debating on writing some extra type things but I felt like I couldn't' go any further with the story without repeating myself, or doing something that other people always do. So, I have ended the story and if anyone has any questions or concerns I would be too happy to answer them, just PM me, myspace me, or e-mail and I will get back to you all as soon as possible. Thanks again for reading my story and I really hope you guys enjoyed it. Please read my new Couldn't let go. Hope to see you all around.

Sincerely yours,

Sasha aka Foreverinlove17


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